“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.” Psalm 73:26

“My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.” Psalm 119:71-72.

My least favourite time of year is on the horizon. Sure, I enjoy the summer heat and sunshine as much as the next person. I love sitting on the deck in the backyard reading a book and sipping iced tea while the kids play in the yard. My back deck is a safe place where I am not noticed by anyone other than those who know and love me. Other than those I am comfortable with. Those who don’t think of me as dinosaur leg lady, but just a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend.

The rest of the world? That’s the tricky part. You see, my kids love to swim and so do I. We don’t have our own pool, though, so we have to use the community pool. I try my hardest not to care what others think and don my pretty bathing suit so I can make memories with my children. But the gasps and the unkind words sting so much that each year, it becomes harder and harder to be joyful and willing. There are not enough beach wraps in the world to cover up the hurt.

I try not to think about it too much. But I know it is coming. It becomes harder and harder to endure and my heart becomes more and more weary of this world. Let’s be real. I often ask, why me God?

One day, sitting in a church service and reflecting on the message, God whispered a small but powerful message to my heart. God gave me lipedema so He could be glorified through my life. My actions, reactions, thoughts and ways need to reflect that honour. 

Suddenly, my perspective changed. This was not a plan for disaster. This was actually God breathing meaning into my life – this was using my suffering for good. It was like scales fell from my eyes. Like chains broke away from my heart.

I finally understood what James meant when he said, “when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4).

God chose me. He picked ME. For some reason, He thought I was worthy of this task. Lipedema is known to be hereditary and passed down through women, and as such, of all the women in my family this could affect, He chose ME. For His glory.

This is real. This is God. Shaping me, moulding me, refining me to the point where I am complete and needing nothing. And when I have reached that point, He will take me home.

Heaven.

A place where there will be no more tears. No more pain. And no more dinosaur legs. My bones won’t hurt. My joints won’t snap and pop every step I take.

Friends, I will run into the arms of Jesus. Running, with perfect legs. Running like I have never been able to run before. And when I reach that place, when I am in His arms, I will know this has all been worth it.

Have you ever felt like God was calling you out of your comfort zone? It doesn’t always have to be something drastic or life altering as a move to Africa or somewhere else to become a missionary – although those are the most obvious examples. Sometimes it is much smaller. So much so that it doesn’t seem like anything at all.

It starts as a tiny whisper. A little bit of something niggling in your soul. Because it is so small it can sometimes be ignored. Pushed down an forgotten about. It is easy to not give it a second thought. Or so we assume. But God has a way of making waves with that tiny whisper that can rock your very core.

Like that time I was at church waiting for the service to start. As I looked around, I thought about how much I really loved the people that called this church their home. Wonderful, amazing people. But there was that tiny whisper. A tiny whisper that said it was time to find another place to worship.

What? No…that couldn’t possibly be right. As the service started, I pushed it down deep and joined in the singing.  This continued each week and each time the whisper became more noticeable and a lot louder. Finally, it was roaring like a lion. I couldn’t stop thinking about what once was a whisper.  Filled with discontent and despair, I turned to my husband for guidance.

Sometimes not everyone hears the tiny whisper at the same time. So I tried to stuff it down deeper. Surely, God didn’t intend for us to go to different churches. What was going on?

I will tell you what was going on – several months of suffering. Why was God whispering this to me when he wasn’t whispering it to my husband? What did He want me to do about it? It was a desperate place of loneliness and despair. Almost like a spiritual wasteland – but not really. Because during that suffering, He was just pouring into my soul.

There is this beautiful place between suffering and comfort where you meet God. It is described perfectly in 2 Corinthians 1:3-6. “God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when you are weighed down with troubles, it is for your own comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.”

In this period of waiting and discontent, I experienced His comfort. I didn’t understand His plan or what that meant for the future. I just knew He loved me and would comfort me in this time, while still I experienced these feelings of discontent. And that second roar? It was loud enough to reach both my heart and my husband’s. Then everything changed in an instant.

Not everyone appreciates change. We get comfortable and happy and we don’t want to leave that behind for a different, more difficult journey. But we have to go where God is taking us next – even if that means heartbreaking changes.

It is hard to let go of something you love and people who hold special places in your heart. Thinking about it made me want to take that roaring whisper back and shove it down deep into the recesses of my soul. To pour cement over my feet so they couldn’t move. But God would move them – and we must be obedient. James 4:17 says, “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”

Obedience is not always easy. Walking through the unmarked path can be the most challenging thing you have ever done. Like wading through a deep jungle where unrest was at every corner. But the destination at the end of that unmarked path is so glorious we can’t even fathom it.

My husband is a runner. He loves to run. Me? Not so much. But I can still appreciate the analogy that life is a race. An exciting race from the start when we are saved from sin because of Christ – to the beautiful end when we cross the finish line and are no longer separated from God. When my husband runs in a race, he runs slowly at first and then gains momentum as he goes along – and when the finish line is in his line of sight, he runs hard to finish strong. There are two beautiful verses in the Bible that illustrate this for us.

Let’s take a look at Hebrews 12:1-2. It says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge cloud of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this  by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” When my husband started running, he joined up with a learn to run program. He learned how to run and enjoyed it, but then he lost momentum when he didn’t have anyone keeping him accountable. He ran here and there, but not regularly as he had hoped. Until he joined another running group that not only kept him accountable to his exercise regime, but his faith as well. He runs regularly with this group now, and those who are more advanced take time to instruct and encourage him as he presses on. This passage in Hebrews is similar in that it is Jesus Christ himself who is the champion runner – not only does He go before us in this race called life, He knows us intimately and is the only One who can equip us for what is to come.

The next verse is in 2 Corinthians 4:18. “So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” Okay, back to that jungle path. We can’t see the magnificent ending that awaits us. All we can see are the twists and turns that are ahead of us in the here and now. All we can feel is the heartache and discontent that comes with suffering. But if we fix our gaze on Jesus, and we strive for obedience to God calling us out of our comfort zones, the path gets a little bit easier. There might be a beautiful grove where we can stop for a refreshing drink and rest. Even if it just for a moment.

When my husband heard that whisper we decided to look for a different church. Even though I was in agreement, I cried myself to sleep that night. Why? The thought of leaving behind my friends was more than I could take. So many people I loved who I would have to leave. It might seem a bit ridiculous – just because you leave a church doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends with your fellow believers. While that is true, the dynamic does change. I am not going to tell you it is hunky dory – it isn’t. People have been hurt along the way. It was never our intention for that to happen, but it does. I only pray that God will soothe their hurts so we can heal. While I love my friends and value their relationships, I value my relationship with Jesus even more.

What started as a tiny whisper was now a full blown reality. We visited different churches, and didn’t feel at peace. It was strange to be in the car and driving in a different direction than we had the last decade. I wondered if we could have made a mistake – maybe we didnlt hear God’s call clearly. I thought those thoughts, but knew in my soul they were not true.

Romans 15:13 says, “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” When I read this verse and shared it with my husband, we prayed for His peace when we visited the church where He wanted us to go. We prayed for that confident hope – and He was faithful to provide that for us. The first morning we attended our current church, a sense of peace washed over me and settled in my soul. I felt refreshed and wanted to know if my husband felt the same. After the service, when we got in the car and looked at each other and said, “I think this is it.”

What was once a tiny whisper turned into a mighty roar that rocked our souls and was replaced with a confident hope. We attended a few services to be sure and received confirmation after confirmation that was where He was calling us.

Stepping out of our comfort zone wasn’t easy. It is called a comfort zone for a reason – because when you leave it is uncomfortable. It was painful. It was heartbreaking. But God leads. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.” Philippians 2:13

The lingering heartache we have leaving behind our comfort zone – Jesus sees. He sees the tears that fall. He sees the people who avoid you in the grocery store because they don’t know what to say. We just need to trust Him to cover these things. 1 Peter 5 says, “So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for He will never fail you.”

And when the jungle path starts to get easier to tread, you see a sunrise. A new horizon that brings the promise of a new day. Eventually this uncomfortable obedience will become your new comfort zone. If God calls you out of that one, and you are obedient, you might go through it all over again. But when you continue to obey God’s leading, one day that sunrise will be more glorious than ever before. As you come out of the jungle path and are standing in His brilliant presence, you are finally home.

We can learn a lot from the Isrealites. If you had told me I would be writing about the Isrealites a few years ago, I would have laughed at you. Truth is, I didn’t read my Bible enough. If we are being honest, not only was the Old Testament foreign to me, it was also…boring. There, I said it.

Sure, we might know the age old Bible stories of the Old Testament with notable characters like Noah, Moses, Joshua, and Daniel. I have read these stories to my children. In Bible story books, these guys always make the cut and are given several pages in technicolour. If you grew up going to church you may remember these stories presented on die hard flannel graphs. (I say die hard because a few years ago the church I attended at the time packed up all their flannel characters and flannel boards and sent them off to Africa and they looked as if they were in the same condition they had been in back in 1970s.) But what but the rest of these stories? The lesser known stories of the Old Testament and what we can learn about them are great in numbers. (Ha! See what I did there?)While the stories are numerous, we really need to take a step back and look at the Isrealites as a whole.

I used to hate History. In fact, I was failing it way back in middle school and my parents bribed me with the prospect of new shoes if only I could get a B. It must have worked, because I ended up getting an A and two pairs of shoes. And I also ended up realizing something about History that was a game changer for me. History really is just all about people and how they lived. History is important because we need to learn from their mistakes and successes and grow and change as needed. So let’s take a good look at a really old group of people and see what we can learn.

The Isrealites. To begin with their story we need to look at one man named Abraham. We first see Abraham in Genesis 11. Way back in the beginning – and he had a different name, Abram. In the beginning of chapter 12, we see Abram being called by God. Abram hears God telling him to leave everything behind and go to a place where He will show him. All of his relatives, all of his possessions – everything. And Abram does just that. One of the things we can learn about Abraham specifically is that he always trusted God and did as He was asked. God could see this and wanted to give Abraham a gift, and not just his new name. In Genesis 5:15, God promises to give Abraham descendants as numerous as the stars. He started with a son named Isaac who had a son named Jacob who was the father of 12 different sons who formed 12 different tribes that made up the nation of Isreal. The twelve sons were Rueben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Isaachar, Zebulun, Joseph, Benjamin, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, and Asher. (Genesis 35:25-26).

So that is the history behind how Isreal came to be. Their story really begins with the brothers turning against their younger brother Joseph, which you can read about here. This leads them to Egypt, where things go well for a time. At the time of Joseph’s death, there are a lot more than just the 12 brothers. Exodus 1:6-7 says, “in time Joseph and all of his brothers died ending that generation. But their descendants, the Isrealites, had many children and grandchildren. In fact, they multiplied so greatly they became extremely powerful and filled the land.” We are not talking about a small group of people here. We are talking a huge number. Eventually a new king came to power in Egypt. Long gone was Joseph and the great things he had done for the king and all of Egypt. Long passed were the days where that mattered. The new king was not a fan of these Isrealite intruders who were taking up so much space in his land, so he made them slaves.

Here is the first stage of suffering for the Isrealites. They were treated harshly. Pharoah felt threatened by them and their numbers and hoped slavery would keep them from multiplying, but it didn’t. Exodus 1:20 it says “God was good to the midwives and the Isrealites continued to multiply, growing more and more powerful.” Let’s not miss this. The Isrealites were loved by a very powerful God. He had a plan for them. Even in this time where they had to endure the physical pain of heavy labour, building entire cities with their hands. Even when they were beaten by the Egyptians and forced to endure more than they thought they could bear. God still had a plan.

He sent Moses. Moses was born at a time when the king of Egypt wanted all the Isrealite babies to be killed to stop the nation from growing any further. His mother, wanting to protect him made a basket and placed it in the water. It was no mistake that it was Pharoah’s own daughter who discovered the little baby in the water. God had a plan. She took him in and raised him as her own. He grew up in a life of privilege. Then one day, when he was an adult he looked out over the Isrealite slaves and couldn’t stand to see them beaten so he killed one of the Egyptians who had been beating an Isrealite slave. He then fled Egypt, afraid for his life. But God called to him in hiding and told him he would be the one to lead them out of slavery.

A time of redemption for the Isrealites when God used plagues to convict Pharoah to let His people go. The amazing account of how God split the sea in two so they could cross. Let’s just pause for a minute there and think about how it would have felt to be an Isrealite that day walking on dry ground with walls of water on either side. How it must have felt to know God was showing His love and care in such an amazing way. Not only that, but they they left with many riches. Talk about an amazing deliverance! Sadly, it didn’t take long for the Isrealites to forget.

Here is another period of suffering for the Isrealites. After being freed from the hold of the Egyptians, they were brought through to a period in the wilderness. But before we get into that story, let’s look at something very important here. God gave this decree to the Isrealites as a standard to test their faithfulness to them.

“If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God, and do what is right in His sight, obeying His commands and keeping all His decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.” Exodus 15:26

God wanted the Isrealites to obey them. He was leading them to a wonderful place – a land flowing with milk and honey. A beautiful place where the land was prosperous. A place that was GOOD. A place that He had promised to Abraham’s descendants in Genesis 24:7. These were a people that God loved with all of His heart, that are called “God’s chosen people.” In Exodus 22:33, God calls them to be a holy people. This doesn’t mean they were to be perfect, because we will see they are not. This call to holiness is more a call to be devoted to God with their whole hearts.

And here is where we need to take a good, long look at the Isrealites and see the root of their suffering and what we can learn from it.  After their period in the wilderness, the descendants of these people enter the promised land under the leadership of Joshua.

Here Isreal is given the land they were promised, divided up between the tribes descending from Jacob’s twelve sons. But is everything good? No. The Isrealites are given the land, but it wasn’t empty. Thus begins the wars that must happen for them to be victorious and claim the land.  Before they entered the Promised Land, Moses blessed them. Just before he dies, he gives has a song about how the Isrealites will prosper in the land. He reminds them of the covenants God has made for them, the ten commandments, everything they have learned as they journeyed through the wilderness. Exodus 32:45-47 says, “When Moses had finished reciting all of these words to the people of Isreal, he added: Take to heart all the words of warning I have given to you today. Pass them on as a command to your children so they will obey every word of these instructions. These instructions are not empty words – they are your life! By obeying them you will enjoy a long life in the land you will occupy when you cross the Jordan river.”

It was very clear these instructions that God have given the Isrealites. They entered the land excited for what was to come. I like to think they were on fire with devotion for God, the One who had led them through this time of wandering and living in tents. They must have been excited to receive this blessing of occupying cities and establishing themselves, settling down. But how quickly things get into a jumbled mess.

The Isrealites biggest problem was this – they occupied the lands but didn’t get rid of all of the gods of the people who were living there before them. Instead of worshipping the One true God, they ended up participating in acts of worship with these people. They repeatedly did this. In Judges 21:25, it says “in those days Isreal had no king, all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.”

Okay, let’s be honest. When I read those words they send a chill right through me. They might as well be prophetic. Let’s fast forward to today. Read this again in a different way – in those days, the world had no King, all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes. Doesn’t that seem to be the case in the world today?

The Isrealites struggled with getting caught up in other pagan traditions and idol worship. God would send someone to show them the wrong in their ways. They would cry out to God for forgiveness and ask for His help. He would do this for them. Then they would repeat the cycle. How much are we like the Isrealites?

I am going to be bold here and say that some of the Isrealites suffering was a direct result of their sinfulness. Sin is anything that separates us from God. Anything that is not pleasing to God. Now let’s take a step back and look at it in today’s light. I am going to be bold here and say that some of our own suffering is a direct result of our own sinfulness.

Ouch. Might be a little bit painful, but it is true. God wants His people to be holy – to be fully devoted to Him. And anything that we prioritize over Him is considered a god to us. Anything. This is going to hurt, but consider this short list – money, television, sports, creative arts, music. Anything.

I have struggled with this. I know we all do because of who we are. But the beautiful truth? Because of who God is He offers us a freedom from sins and a promise of a fresh start every day and every single moment of our lives. And not only that, we are also loved by the same God who desperately loved the Isrealites. Let’s step away from the Old Testament and look at this beautiful hope in Romans 8:38-39.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death, nor life, neither angels, nor demons, neither our fears for today or our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or on the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Suffering is sometimes brought on by our own sinfulness. By our lack of God in our lives. Please note I am not saying this is the only reason we experience suffering – I know that is not the case. Still, it stands that we need to continually evaluate where we place God in our lives.  We need to continually throw off things of the world that we may be making a priority. That short list? Those things are not sinful in and of themselves. But when we put these things before the Lord, we begin with a slippery slope that can bring us further and further away from the One who loves us the most.

The Isrealites are a good example of both of these things – the sinful suffering, the slippery slope and also the God who loved them through it all and gave them countless second chances. We can learn from their stories that God continually took their suffering and changed it for good – offering them freedom and hope. God will do this for us as well. When we continually seek Him, we receive the peace and release from suffering that we long for.

So seek Christ. Seek Him in your time of suffering. Sometimes these places where you feel farthest away from Him are where He chooses to speak. Where He reveals Himself and allows us to see things the way He sees things. Then you can throw off the things that are not in line with His will and you can find the rest and release you long for.

Relationships are a beautiful thing. When you are surrounded by people who love and care about you, everything seems brighter. But when relationships are strained, there is a heavy burden that weighs you down and darkens everything around you.

Sometimes there is suffering in relationships. It might be for a season, or it might be something that doesn’t change. In my experience, suffering in relationships is one of the worst trials a person could go through. When I have relationships that are strained it breaks my heart. Sometimes we don’t know why these things happen, why people are in our lives for a season and then gone again. Other times, we can look back and see God’s hand at work even in the midst of the suffering.

We can see the hand of God at work in Joseph’s story.  But before we get into that, let’s look at this powerful verse in Romans 8:28. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and and are called according to His purposes for them.” This sounds like such a wonderful verse. All things will work together for good! But sometimes, we can misconstrue this verse to make it seem like everything will be perfect. This verse doesn’t really say that, does it? When I read this verse for the first time, I naively thought perhaps this meant that everything would be hunky dory. Instead, I can clearly see through a different lens that life has shown me differently what this verse really means. It doesn’t promise for our lives to be filled with amazing things because God loves us and wants us to have a great life. Instead, it means that through trials and fire God will refine us to be perfect so that we can live a purposeful life through Him. Now, let’s see what that looked like for Joseph.

Joseph had been asked by Jacob to go and find out how his brothers were doing tending the sheep out in the pastures of Shechem. He was to come and report back to Jacob after he had met with his brothers. But his brothers had other plans for this beloved son. They decided to kill him, this dreamer that made their lives so miserable. But then, there was this one brother, Reuben, who didn’t want to see Joseph die. It doesn’t tell us why, because all the brothers hated Joseph. Perhaps God was using Reuben to help carry out his plan for Joseph. Because Reuben convinced his brothers to not kill Joseph, but to just throw him in a well where he would die of natural causes. (Although we know Reuben was actually planning on coming back for Joseph later). When Joseph arrived, that is what they did.

But his story doesn’t stop there. He doesn’t die in that well. His brothers see some slave traders coming and decide they can get rid of Joseph once and for all by selling him. And that is exactly what they do. Have you ever wondered how Joseph felt during all of this? In obedience to his father, he sets out to find his brothers. Instead of meeting up with them to get a report on their shepherding, his special coat is ripped off of him and he is thrown into an empty well. I wonder how he must have felt as he lay in the bottom of the well. He must have been hurt from the fall. He might have cried from pain and also from the actions of his brothers. We don’t know for sure. But if we can just imagine, it must have been hard for him. Then his brothers get him out of the well and SOLD HIM.

How heavy his heart must have been as he wandered off into the wilderness, once a free man part of a wealthy family, now a slave. A piece of property. He no longer had a place. He was rejected. He was seemingly worthless. His heart must have been broken. The uncertainties of what was to come must have been terrifying.

Interestingly enough, we read that Reuben returned to rescue Joseph from the well only to find that he was no longer there. He tore his clothes as a sign of grief. Maybe he was afraid to face Jacob. When he confronted this brothers and asked about it, they ripped up the colourful coat and dipped in animal’s blood so they had something to send back to Jacob. They knew he wouldn’t ask questions when this beautiful coat was in a state of disrepair. Jacob grieved the loss of his precious son, believing he had been attacked and killed by an animal on his way to find his brothers.

But the story doesn’t end there. Because God’s story for us won’t leave us broken. His plans for our lives never end. It was the same for Joseph. At this point in the story, it is not easy to see how God is working this together for good. But it does.

Joseph continues on the Egypt, where he is sold to Potiphar who worked for the king of Egypt. His story picks up in Genesis 39. My favourite verse is 2, “the Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master.” Did you catch that? Don’t miss this – the Lord was with Joseph. He was in a strange land, stripped of his privileges. He was away from his family and the father who loved him. But he was not alone. God was with him, in the midst of his suffering.

Not only was the Lord with Joseph, but he allowed Jospeh to succeed in everything he did – something that did not escape the notice of Potiphar. He gave Joseph extra privileges, and Joseph did not disappoint him. Eventually, Joseph had full rule and reign over all the goings on in Potiphar’s house – so much so, that Potiphar never had to worry because Joseph was handling everything. Here we see that Joseph was in a period of blessing. Things were going well for him. But just like any of our lives, we have seasons. And Joseph’s season of blessing came to an abrupt end when Potiphar’s wife noticed the handsome man that was running the household. She pressured him day after day to sleep with her, but Joseph refused and tried to stay out of her way as much as he could. Until one day, she tried to force him and when he refused and ran away, she lied to her husband saying he was the one trying to force himself on her. Potiphar puts Joseph in prison.

So here Joseph is again, wrongfully accused and sitting in prison. Not just any prison, but the prison where the king’s prisoners were held. So he sat there, in what was probably a terrible and filthy prison. Not at all like the prisons we have today. My heart aches for Joseph, who had done nothing wrong but was thrown away yet again. When we go through trials where we feel wrongfully accused, we often look for justice. Sometimes we question God. We think if God really cared for us, He wouldn’t allow for things like this to happen. But here is the beautiful truth for Joseph, and for us as well. Guess where He was in the midst of this? Verse 21 says, “but the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him His faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favourite with the prison warden.” Again the Lord was with him. Rejected, but not abandoned by God.

And here God works again in Joseph’s life. At this time, it was probably hard for Joseph to see what God was doing. But the second part of that verse gives us a hint – the prison warden liked Joseph. And just like Potiphar, eventually the prison warden put Joseph in charge of the prison and all the prisoners. Like Potiphar, he didn’t have to worry because Joseph was handling it for him.

But God doesn’t leave Joseph in that prison. While Joseph is in charge of the prisoners, Pharaoh the Egyptian king is offended by his chief baker and his chief cup barer. We don’t really know what they did, but it was bad enough for Pharaoh to decide to throw them in jail. While they are in there, they have strange dreams and are upset. Joseph notices this and asks them to tell them about their dreams. God helps him to interpret their dreams and his interpretation becomes prophecy. What he said comes to pass. But he also asked that Pharaoh be told his story so that he wouldn’t have to be in prison for something he hadn’t done.  And guess what? Forgotten again. It doesn’t happen.

Again, Joseph must have wondered what God’s plan was in all of this. For two more years, he sat in jail. For two more years, he was forgotten. Until Pharaoh had a strange dream and the chief cup barer remembers the man in jail who had interpreted his dream. So Joseph is given an audience with the king. God allows him to translate Pharaoh’s dreams and warn him of hard times that will be coming. Pharaoh is pleased and honours him by making him head of all of Egypt, changing his name, giving him a wife, and changing his life completely. A season of blessing had arrived for Joseph once again. But this isn’t the end of the story.

Joseph had interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and warned him that a famine was coming. God allowed them to prepare for the famine. They had some wonderful years with overflowing harvests and were able to store food for those years when the famine would be raging through their lands. Because of this, Joseph faced his past. And God was with him, even then.

Have you ever had a bad experience in the past that rears it’s ugly head in your present? Maybe someone who had hurt you comes back into your life. I have been there before, and it is not easy to face them. As I mentioned before, strained relationships can be extremely painful. Forgiveness does not come naturally. And here Joseph, the second in command to Pharaoh meets his brothers once again. There was no food in their land, so they had travelled to Egypt in hopes of getting some food so they would not die. And who was in charge of the food? Joseph.

I find this so interesting. The brothers don’t recognize Joseph, but he recognizes them. They had no idea what happened to their brother after they sold him into slavery. But he was just that, a slave. Slaves don’t rule Egypt. How could they know their brother was the one standing before them? But even more amazing is how Joseph deals with it all. He throws them in prison. I will admit, this part makes me smile – they kind of deserve it, right? But he lets all but one go, with food, and asks them to return with their younger brother – one Joseph has never met. And then he returns their money!

The brothers are terrified of what will happen to them. They return to Jacob and tell him all that has happened. He is devestated and refuses to allow them to take his son Benjamin. But then things get worse and they run out of food, so he changes his mind. He makes the brothers take back double the money that was returned to them, as well as other gifts. When they return to Egypt, they are taken right into the house of Joseph. At this point, they were shaking in their sandals. What was going on? They were sure they were doomed and tried to pay the money back that was returned to them. Instead of being punished, their brother who had been in prison was returned to them. When Joseph arrives, he is filled with emotion at the sight of his younger brother and has to leave again. When he returns, he eats with them at his own table, a place of privilege.

Joseph loves on his brothers with a love they don’t deserve. Does that sound familiar? Kind of like how Christ loves on you and me with a love we don’t deserve. The last thing these brothers deserved was to be treated like royalty. But the story doesn’t end there. He sends them off with more food, but he also devises a plan to make it look like they stole from him. When they are forced to return back to them, the brothers plead for the life of their younger brother Benjamin, who has made to look like he was the thief. Joseph allows for him to live and because he can’t stand it any longer, he tells them who he really is, weeping so loud that everyone outside his house can hear.

And then, the truth. The precious truth of God’s story for Joseph. When Joseph confesses his identity to his brothers in Genesis 45:5 he says, “don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.” Joseph could finally see the fruit of his seasons of suffering. He said to his brothers in verse 8, “so it was God who sent me here, not you! And He is the one who made me an advisor to Pharaoh – the manager of his entire place and the governor of all Egypt.”

Eventually Jacob is brought back to Egypt, and Pharaoh who heard the entire story, invites all of them to stay and have the best of his land. In what could only be a series of God ordained events, everyone is redeemed in this story.

Just like Joseph, we can go through seasons of suffering. In these times of suffering, it is hard to see God working in our lives. Let’s take Joseph’s story to heart here – when he was serving as a servant, the Lord was with him. When he was in prison, the Lord was with him. 2 Corinthians 4:7-8 says this:

Suffering. It seems like this is something we can’t escape today. No matter where you look, there is suffering of all kinds and in every walk of life.

What is suffering? It is defined as the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. It is  to experience, be affected by or be subjected to something bad or unpleasant. This word originates from the latin word “sufferre,” which, when broken down means sub (from below) and ferre (to bear).  When thinking about this, the very word seems like something tragic and troublesome. Still, sometimes there is joy even in the darkest times of our life and in such terrible periods of suffering.

One of my favourite passages of scripture is found in James 1:2-4. “Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble comes your way consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” Just sit back for a moment and really think about that verse. This concept of having joy through suffering really appeals to me. In fact, I would love to unpack this based on Scripture but there is so much goodness and evidence of joy in suffering in God’s word, it is far too much for just one blog post. So today, let’s just take a look at Naomi in the book of Ruth.

Ruth is a wonderful story. Ironically enough, it is wedged in between Judges and 1 Samuel in the Bible. In these other books of the Bible, you read about the Isrealites who have settled in to the promised land. Their two faithful leaders Moses and Joshua have died, and so the Isrealites have really lost their way. They are messing up and making mistakes all over the place. As it says in Judges 21:25, “in those days, Isreal had no king and the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.”  Then in 1 Samuel, they get their king but it doesn’t completely turn out as they expect and there is a lot of death and bloodshed. What a mess! Then, like a rose between two thorns, we find this book of Ruth.

Ruth is a beautiful story of loyalty, love and redemption. It is also one of the shortest books of the Bible that you can read in one sitting (and I encourage you to do so, if you have not already). In a nutshell, hard times fall on Ruth and her mother in law Naomi, and they have to figure out a way to survive and thrive – as soon as they can. Let’s take a deeper look.

The book of Ruth opens with a nightmare. In fact, it is one of my biggest fears. It sets the scene that things are not going well for Isreal, and there is famine and suffering in the land. Some people have to leave their homes and move elsewhere to look for food and nourishment due to a famine. Such is the case for Naomi and Ruth, who is married to one of Naomi’s sons. Then, the unspeakable happens. Naomi’s husband dies. Oh, so broken is the heart of a woman whose love is lost. If I close my eyes and truly think of it, my heart breaks for Naomi here – because to lose my husband is my biggest fear. I don’t know what Naomi’s marriage was like, but mine is so blessed. I am married to a wonderful man of God who loves and cares for me so deeply. Someone who God has graciously placed in my life. I can only imagine the heartache that Elimilech’s death must have caused. Still, women take comfort in those they love, and Naomi had her two sons Mahlon and Kilion.

Let’s pause here for a moment and take a look at these names. Names are all over the Bible and they all hold special significance and meaning. In thinking about suffering, it is important to consider the implication these names provide.

Elimilech – God is my king
Naomi – pleasant
Mahlon – sickness
Kilion – destruction
Ruth – friend
Orpah – back of the neck
Boaz – by strength

Looking at all those names, what stands out the most? The names of Naomi’s two sons. Yikes! Why would you name your children that? But it is interesting to see that these two names of the sons really translate into suffering. Which is interesting, because Scripture tells us that only ten years after Elimilech died, her two sons died as well.

Oh, Naomi! Here she has no husband. Her two younger sons were gone, and neither one of them had had any children. Naomi was heartbroken and feeling so alone. It is interesting to see what happens here, after she is left without her husband and sons. She turns to her two daughter in laws and offers them the opportunity of escape. You see, back then women could not just run out and get a job that would allow them to live as they had been living. The death of your husband would leave you dirt poor with little hope. So Naomi encourages these two women to go back home to their parents to be looked after. Orpah decides to leave, but Naomi out of love for her mother law decides to stay. She pledges her love and allegiance to her mother n law, even though the future is very uncertain.

The story continues with the two women travelling back to Naomi’s home land. Without her husband and sons, she is feeling broken and wants to change her name to Mara (which means bitter), “for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?” Uh oh. Do you see what Naomi is doing here? Not only is she playing the blame game, she outright says that God is purposefully trying to cause her harm. Does that sound like something a loving God would do?

Let’s take a step back and think about how much like Naomi we can be. When we face tragedy of any kind, we struggle to understand why God has allowed something  so terrible to happen. Deep tragedies like the loss of a spouse, a still born baby, or news of a devastating illness can cause us to temporarily forget that overall God is GOOD. We forget that He loves us. We forget that He orchestrates everything in and around us for our good. Do we need a reminder? Psalm 119:68 says, “You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees.” Not enough? Psalm 145:9 – “The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all His creation.” Yes, even in suffering, God is so good.

It is difficult to look at a tragic situation filled with such suffering and see the good in it. It is even more difficult to see the God in it. Sometimes, we will never know the reason why we have had to go through the dark and troubling times in our lifetime. But when we look at Biblical examples like this, it can give us hope and it can give us JOY.

Okay, so Naomi is angry at God. But that is not the end of her story. She and Ruth continue on with their story. In order to survive, Ruth has to go out into a farmer’s field and scavenge to see what she can find in hopes to be able to collect enough grains to make some bread. It was not coincidence that she wound up working in a field belonging to Boaz. That was all part of God’s plan for Ruth and Naomi.

You see, back in the day there was something called a “kinsman redeemer.”  This was basically a man who was in some way related to the family member who had died. It was their responsibility to marry and protect the widow who was left behind, and hopefully to provide an heir to carry on the family name. Do you see the hope here? Naomi, who was facing down a life of loneliness and defeat was given a second chance at a family. Ruth could have taken Naomi’s advice and run off to her parents like Orpah did. Instead, she chose to stay with Naomi. That decision to stay opened up the opportunity for a fresh new possibility of a full life. And that is exactly what God gave them. But as only God can, He did something really, really cool here. Let’s take a look.

Ruth goes into the fields that Boaz owns and asks for permission to pick up any grain the farmers might drop. Granted permission, she works away all day in the hot blazing sun. I don’t know about you, but that does not sound like a fun time. That sounds like a lot of work for a little result – a loaf of bread to share with her mother in law. But Ruth works and works, and while she works, Boaz notices her. He seeks out information about her, and reaches out to her in kindness, asking his servants to allow her to pick her grain right alongside them instead of her scrounging for leftovers. Then when she asks him why she is being so kind to him (since she is a Moabite, and the Moabites did not always see eye to eye with the people of Judah), he points out that her character has preceeded her. Chapter 2:11-12 say, “I know everything you have done for your mother in law since the death of your husband. I have heard you left your father and mother and your own land to live here among complete strangers. May the Lord, the God of Isreal, under whose wings you have taken refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.” And that is exactly what He does.

Ruth eventually tells Boaz he is their kinsman redeemer. She puts herself out there to be looked at a potential wife. Boaz agrees, but realizing there is another man who is actually closer in relation to Naomi, has to check with him first. If that man is able to marry Ruth, then he must do it out of duty. I can only imagine what it must have been like to have to wait to find out who would marry her. In the end, the other man is unable to marry her because it might have a negative impact on his own estate, so Boaz marries Ruth and they eventually have a son. Are you ready for the cool part? Are you ready for the JOY that comes from this suffering? As if a new baby to cuddle is not enough…

Boaz and Ruth had a son named Obed. Eventually, when he grew up he became the father of Jesse. And Jesse was the father of that shepherd boy named David who faced a giant named Goliath and eventually became a King. And David…well, David was a man after God’s own heart who actually was part of Jesus’ family tree. Did you catch that? Let’s not miss this beautiful truth. Naomi’s sons died and left her without a grandchild, but because Ruth stayed with her and married Boaz, they had a sweet little baby boy who was an ancestor of JESUS the Messiah. (You can read the entire lineage in Matthew 1:1-17). And Naomi? She loved that baby so. Ruth 4:16 says, “Naomi took the baby and cuddled him to her breast. And she cared for him as if he were her own.”

Naomi suffered a devastating loss. She was angry at God. She might have wondered why He had allowed the death of her sons at such a young age. She might have grieved more because she had no grandchildren. But God allowed for her suffering to be part of her greatest joy.  How wonderful that there is beauty in the brokenness and that we have a good God who gives such great gifts to His children.

My mind is a jumbled mess. I will be doing the laundry or laying in bed when random words pop into my head. Existentialism. Sesquipedalian. Dogmatism. When my mind is empty, these words fill it up. And it’s exhausting. I used to be an educated woman, once upon a time. Maybe I still am. But all I feel is tired.

If I take a step back, I still know what those words mean. I don’t really believe in existentialsim. I have the potential to be a sesquipedalian but I am way too tired for that now, and it really seems so pompous anyhow. And dogmatism is some theological thing I suffered through back in college that I found extremely boring at the time.

As I sit here folding laundry the words keep coming and I can’t shut them off. Words that taunt me. Words that make me feel like I should be doing something else with my life. But that’s not right, is it? Because, I believe God has placed me here.

We make our own plans for ourselves sometimes, don’t we? Amazing and grand plans that we have for our life, but when it eventually unfolds life is nothing like we expected. If your life is actually how you planned it, that’s amazing and you are one of the few. “People may make plans in their minds, but the Lord decides what they will do.” Proverbs 16:9 (NCV).

That verse makes me smile because it is so my life. I had so many grand plans to just do and be. Do things that I thought would make me great. Be someone successful. God had other plans, and so I sit sorting and folding laundry and thinking of words from my past.

Because there is peace in knowing you are living in God’s planned path. There is peace in doing that, and in being that person. That is more freeing than existentialism. That is more important than being like a sesquipedalian shooting smart and educated words around. I am sure that is better than dogmatism too, because you’re doing what God wants for your life and not concerning yourself about being right without evidence or concern of circumstance. It’s just being with God. Listening to and obeying His divine appointments.

My divine appointments? They are so simple. Making a cake for my family to enjoy after I’ve seen them out shovelling our driveway full of snow, and the neighbours too. Looking around at my tidy house and noticing the children have done an exceptional job on their chores. And that little whisper that says bake the cake. And so I bake it.

My divine appointments can be blessings. Like working in a job that is below my experience, because God handed it to me. That job? It’s the perfect fit. I can leave in a flash to go and deal with my children should need be, without consequence. There’s really no job like that.

My divine appointments can be complicated too. When I got married, the plans I had made was to work in a job that would make me a career woman. Instead, we had a blessing pregnancy – immediately. Unplanned, but perfectly planned by God. That whisper of stay home, stay home was so difficult to listen to. But oh, how I needed to say home for the unexpected things that were to come. The autism diagnosises. The heartache. The need for a mother to be a focal point, to be available, to be as reliable as the rising sun.

Sometimes, my mind can be a jumbled mess of words from my past. Words from my present. Words. But when I hear those words and they taunt me, evoking regret – I stop. I pause and remember those divine appointments of the past – those whispered words I have listened to and the path they have taken me on. So I pause and pray and am thankful and ready for the next ones.

Until then, I’ll be folding laundry. Cooking dinner, sweeping floors, baking cakes. Doing something mindless because that’s something I’ve been chosen by God to do.