All Creation

January 4, 2015February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. Which of these does not know that they hand of the Lord has done this? In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Job 12:7-10

Praise the Lord from the heavens, praise Him in the heights above. Praise Him, all His angels, praise Him all His heavenly hosts. Praise Him, sun and moon, praise Him, all you shining stars. Praise Him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for he commanded and they were created. He set them in place forever and ever; He gave a decree that will never pass away. Psalm 148: 1-6

This past summer, a hurricane ripped through our city. It might not be uncommon for some areas, but in our part of the world it certainly was. Our entire city was without power for several days, our house for five days. It was certainly hard to bear. The hurricane’s amazing winds of over 100km/hr were powerful enough to knock down trees of all shapes and sizes. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before. Massive trees that must be at least one hundred years old were ripped from their earthen homes. All over the city, trees were blocking homes, roadways, power lines.

At the beginning of the storm, I prayed. I was fearful of the hulking weight of a the 40 year old tree on my neighbours property crashing through my house windows and crushing and damaging the structure. I prayed for the protection of my house and property and the Lord was faithful. While my neighbours had property damages, our home and property remained untouched. (Next time, I will have to remember to pray for my neighbours!)

One afternoon as I was preparing a meal for my family, still without power in our home, I looked out the kitchen window at one of the trees in my neighbours backyard, uprooted and fallen on their shed. A silent whisper in my heart said, this tree knew My name and has served Me well.

It shook me to my core.

Let’s get one thing straight, I am not a nature lover. At least, I haven’t always been. I have friends and family who would spend all day in nature if they could. I would rather sit in my cozy home and read a book or do some crafting. Yet this gentle whisper made me think.

It made me think that He did, in fact, create the trees. As I stood there staring at this downed tree, a scripture came to my mind. “Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the Lord, for He comes to judge the earth.” (1 Corinthians 16:33). I looked at that tree for a very long time. I tried to imagine that tree SINGING. How many times had I walked by trees and taken them for granted? They were always there. They moved in the wind, they sheltered us from rain and the hot, raging sun. But they didn’t speak, they couldn’t communicate with us. And yet, the Bible says they will sing praise to the Lord.

The trees know.

Ever since that humid afternoon in the aftermath of the hurricane, and long after the power was restored, this has stuck with me. I have begun to appreciate that creation – nature – has a deep connection with the Saviour. Recently, I was listening to a song that I had heard several times before by Bethel Music. It is a beautiful piece of worship music, but that particular day one line stood out to me like never before.

Let go my soul

and trust in Him

The waves and wind

still know His name

The waves and wind still know His name. The trees will sing. The animals, the birds of the air and the fish of the sea will testify that in His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

Stop for a moment and think about what that means. When you are outside, going about your day and the sun is shining, the wind is whipping through the trees, a bird calls out a song – all of these know His name. All of these things are commanded by Him. In a desperate world, full of darkness, these parts of nature that we ignore and take for granted are orchestrated by Him. No bird sings without His knowledge. No tree falls that He hasn’t already seen. The winds silently whisper His name. The sun rises and falls at His command.

It is a powerful thought to know that He is all around us. From the moment we wake in the morning to the time we lay down to sleep at night, creation all around us is praising His name.

Even though not everyone knows, or even notices.

I haven’t looked at the trees the same way again. We lost several trees that day of the hurricane. Almost every house in the city had a tree down or knew someone who had. Hundreds of trees gone. Yet the served the Lord and praised His name. I can only pray that we can live in the same way those trees did. Singing and praising His name, and serving Him well.

Here We Go Again

November 24, 2014March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Sitting in the psychologist’s office the moment they finalize the reality that your child has an Autism diagnosis, you have a dual feeling of relief and dread. You’re relieved because you finally have answers as to why your child is the way your child is. And you dread what the future holds for them, because as you might well know, life with an autism diagnosis is so much different and more challenging than life without.
I wrote those words three years ago when we learned that Aiden had autism. They ring true again for us in a very bittersweet way, as we learned a week ago that Micah does as well. Like before, a million thoughts run through your mind.
How did I end up with two this way? Just how bad is it? Will he ever be able to move out of the house, get married, make a life for himself? Oh my poor, sweet darling boy.
And then, you leave the appointment with the psychologist and a burden lifts from your shoulders. It’s surprising, this time. A burden you didn’t even realize was there. And it’s gone, because now you know. And sometimes, knowing is just what you need. Even though it’s hard knowing. Even though it means it will be different knowing. Even though it really means everything is still the same as it always was.
You feel relieved for a moment. And then, this. You remember this sweet face. Still the same sweet face, the same sweet love that he was an hour ago, before you knew. You remember…

All the times he made you laugh. All the times he snuggled up to you on the couch because he just loves you so incredibly much. All the times he drove you bonkers because he had to say just one more thing before he went to sleep at night. All those times he held on to your hand on the walk to school over the last few months, when all the other kids were looking, because he just didn’t want to let go yet.
After you remember you know it will all be okay. No matter what sort of diagnosis he has. No matter how many things aside from autism appear to be wrong with him. It will be okay because he is still the same. And even though you’ve been hit harder than you expected with this news, so are you.
So you go about your day, doing what you need to do. Sometimes an autism diagnosis is like a golden ticket. All the help that you needed for your child is now available to them, because you know. So you make the phone calls. Set up the appointments. Hope and pray that it will all work out to help your child get the support they need.
And then it’s time to go to school and pick up your child at the end of the day. You think you’re okay. You’ve told yourself everything is fine. But as you see him in the hallway, struggling with his coat and backpack, you are flooded with emotions you weren’t expecting. You start to bubble up and tears spill out. Embarrassed, you try and wipe them away so the other parents and the teachers don’t see.
As you walk home, your ears are filled with the wonder and the excitement that he brings. And you’re back to understanding that he is just the same as he was yesterday and the day before. You’re back to understanding that knowledge is power. So you smile, thinking of all the resources your child will now have. All the help he will receive to make him the best he can be.
That unsuspecting grin that he flashes your way with a little giggle and a side stepping dance on the way into the house brings you back home. He is home. His brother is home. Autism is just a part of life now. But then, hasn’t it always been? It’s just that now, you know.

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He Knows My Name

November 12, 2014February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine. Isaiah 43:1

My youngest son is a huge stuffed animal lover. I know most mothers of young children are thinking the same thing – they just have way too many in their house! They seem to be the kind of toy that just accumulates. People give and give and give stuffed animals. The last time I counted, my youngest son alone was up to 47. After that, I lost count. He might even classify as a stuffed animal hoarder!

Here’s the thing, though. While I think that each of those stuffed animals is just sitting on a shelf, or stuffed away in his cupboard, under his bed, on his bed taking up space, that’s not the way he sees them. When he receives a brand new stuffed animal, he is overjoyed. There is joy on his face and in his heart because of a new stuffed animal. Even a new to him stuffed animal from a yard sale or thrift store.

Know what else? He knows every single one of his 50+ stuffed animals by name. I have no idea, I can’t keep them straight. But he can. As I was tidying up the playroom one morning, I was carefully putting some stuffed animals back in their place on the shelf. I looked around and saw them all and thought I really should get him to donate some of these to other children. Or sneakily grab a few and drop them in the donate bin before he came home from school. But he would know when one of them wasn’t where they belonged.

As I was sitting there, looking over only half of his collection, it dawned on me. My little boy and his stuffed animals were kind of like my Saviour and I. There are so many people in this world, it is unfathomable how many there are spread out across the globe. In different countries, in different villages all over, there are Christ followers. I’m just one person amongst millions.

And yet, He knows my name. I am important to Him. He loves me and is overjoyed to have me in His hands.

You and I are the same in that way. We might endure a lot of trials in our lives. We might have our fair share of joy. No matter what we are experiencing, He knows. He knows about the bad day we had yesterday. He knows about the heartache we experience when carrying other’s burdens. He knows the joy we feel when we get a real letter in our mailbox. He knows the love we feel when we are with family and friends. He knows us.

He knows the ups and downs and ins and outs of our life. Mundane details are not unknown to Him. He doesn’t just care about knowing the important stuff. He knows all of us, all the time.

Like my son would know when I sneakily pop a few of his precious stuffies into the donation bin, He knows when we try and hide things from Him. He knows when we are straying from the path He made straight for us. And He wants to bring us home.

His face is full of joy and delight when we come to Him. He has redeemed us. He has called us BY NAME. Think about the power in those words for just a minute. We don’t blend into the background, because there isn’t a background when it comes to God. He’s redeemed us – he’s thought about us because we are important to Him.

One of my favourite scriptures is Psalm 139. It says there, “Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.” He knows when you sit, and when you lie down. He knows when you eat, when you work, when you play. He knows when you spend time with friends. He knows when you spend time with Him. He knows you even deeper and fuller than a parent or spouse knows you.

He knows your name and He is calling you. When you are exhausted, hurting, feeling hopeless, he calls you BY NAME to come home to Him.

Autism · Family

Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your JOY

October 16, 2014March 6, 2017 Jerusha Borden5 Comments

I might be a little bit crazy. This past weekend was Thanksgiving here in Canada. My husband had to work and the kiddos were feeling under the weather, so we waited until yesterday to celebrate. We had a delicious “turkey” dinner (okay, it was chicken) and some pumpkin pie that I made using my Grandma’s secret recipe. And then…oh, then I let comparison set in.

You see, everyone and their dog had taken some beautiful fall family pictures and posted them up on Facebook. Some were just candid shots, others were professionally done. Every once in awhile, I look at everyone else’s photos of their beautiful, perfect smiling children and I just get a crazy old green minute where I want that too.

So, off we went to the most beautiful park in the city where we could get splendid fall photos. I had the camera, I had the leaves, I had the handsome hubby, and then…I had…my children. Perfect? Never. Smiling? Not always. Beautiful? Yes, yes, and yes.

I have been here before. I have cried frustrated tears for the perfect family photo that we will never take because one child has autism and the other likely is as well. They have a hard time even looking directly at the camera – and then when they do, they usually aren’t smiling.

But then, I take a second glance. This isn’t someone else’s family. These people are mine. My heart and soul, my flesh and blood. I am not perfect in any way, so why should I expect them to be?

After I got over my initial feelings of regret and frustration of not getting the perfect picture, I realized I was letting comparison steal my joy. Because let me tell you, even though we’re under a lot of stress and we have more to handle than your “normal” family, we have a complete abundance of joy.

And these little boys? These are my heart. Are they a handful? Yes. Are they exhausting? Just pass me that pillow so I can close my eyes for five minutes. I mean, really. My husband and I operate on only about five hours of good sleep a night, and he’s pushing 40. That’s just life. And do you know what? We wouldn’t trade 8 – 10 hours of undisturbed sleep for either one of these boys. Ever.

As we walked around the park, they climbed on rocks and jumped in ditches. I tried to keep from cringing as I watched them get their clothes absolutely filthy. I couldn’t help but mention once or twice they were getting their shoes soaked in the creek and that they’d have nothing to wear to school in the morning. I really held back, because that’s how boys live life. Dirty, messy, adventurous life.

See the wonder on their faces as they looked through an oversized drain in the middle of the drying up creek? You really can’t duplicate this wonder often. So you need to appreciate the joy in it when it comes. And sometimes, joy comes in messy, dirty boys looking at a drain pipe.

Micah ~ age (almost) 7

Aiden ~ age (almost) 9

We might never get that perfect family photo to blow up and hang in our living room. But we have memories and we have moments so full of joy, I am not so sure we need one.

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Stress Less in the Mess and Rest

September 25, 2014February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Do not worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-8

Jesus says let the little children come to me. The Bible says children are a gift and a treasure. But does it say anything that can give a little hope to a weary, worn out Momma?

Maybe not directly, but in scripture it says if you come to Him, then He will give you rest. It sounds wonderful, but is it actually doable?

What does it look like to come to God? And how can a busy Mom manage to squeeze one more thing into her already busy schedule?

These are questions that I once asked myself. I may not have as many children as you, or have the same kind of schedule as you do, but I do know how overwhelming it can be at this stage. You have to care for the needs of so many people and your own, and it can be stressful and overwhelming on a daily basis.

So how do you balance all of the kids, laundry, meals, and never ending housework? The answer is Jesus.

In my experience, no matter how busy you are, if you make time for Him, He will give you rest. This doesn’t mean a beach vacation for two. It could be as simple as the baby napping long enough for you to do a load of laundry, drink a cup of coffee and check your Facebook and emails. It might mean being able to squeeze a nap in for yourself, or maybe even sleep through the night without children interrupting at 3 a.m. for a drink of water and a tuck in. Whatever the case may be, it only happens when you turn to Him. Making God a priority in your life is how to find balance in the busyness of life.

Intentionally carving out a time in your day to meet with Him is not easy, but it is rewarding. Making it a priority to get the kids up and ready for church on Sunday mornings is not an easy task, but an essential one. Reading your Bible and spending time in prayer may feel like just another thing to add to your to do list, but this what feeds your soul. As you make time for these important things, you will find you have more time to rest, and dare I say…relax?

Another reason it is important to spend time in the Word is because it helps to calms the fears and worries of a mom who fears and worries.

Even though we know that worrying is more harmful than it is helpful, we still do it. We worry about finances. We worry about our kids – will they succeed in school and a career, will they make good and lasting friendships, will they always have enough to eat and clothes to wear? In the run of a day, it seems like a million worries can flitter in and out of our mind.

How do we stress less in all of this mess?

The answer is Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “do not worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

When you turn to God, and trust in Him, He provides for you. He can help you stay on top of finances, and care for your children because He cares about you. When you spend more time with Him, you will feel the peace and assuredness that the popular catch phrase “God’s got this!” proclaims. These feelings will slowly replace fears and worries in your life.

When you are less stressed, you are more rested. When you are less worried, you are more at peace. When you are spending time with the Lord, you will discover joy.

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Fears

July 18, 2014February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

“When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

“I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

I think many women have a tendency to fear and to worry. It’s just a part of who we are. We may have witnessed a terrible tragedy that makes us more fearful for the safety of our own family. We may have stressors and worries in our life that cause us to be fearful. Is fear itself a sin? I don’t think so. It’s a natural emotion that many of us have.

Allowing ourselves to be overcome by fear and controlled by it, instead of trusting in God to guide us, is our own selfish and sinful behaviour.

We fall into this very easily. It’s easy to get lost in the fear itself, it grips us and we stagger to try and control our situations so that fear can not creep in. A few years ago, a friend of mine confessed that she was struggling with fear. She had heard from a friend whose husband was killed in a car accident shortly after they were married. She mourned with her friend, but was also gripped with fear. With three weeks until her own wedding, she was terrified that her soon to be husband would be taken from her. Every time he left her, she was afraid. After they were married, if he would run to the store to pick up some groceries, she was afraid. The fear controlled her.

After several months, she found she was making herself sick with fear and worry. She came to me asking what she should do. Little did she know that I also was struggling with fear, and had similar thoughts and worries over my own family. All I could do was pray with her, and share something that had been shared with me.

God has the power to free you from the chains of fearfulness. Put your trust in Him, and ask Him to help you let go of the specific fears and worries that are tearing you down. Like any sound advice, it is easier said than done. We continued to struggle with fears, keeping accountable to each other and praying for one another and ourselves. It is encouraging to be able to share the struggle with another Christian woman, because she understands my need to lay it down before the Father, who is more than capable of taking my fears away.

Don’t let fear and worry overcome you. Look the One who can take them away, and trust that He has a plan for your life. Allow Him to lead you and guide you through it, trusting that He will be with you always.

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Only Hope

May 6, 2014February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

It is easy to look back on your life and recount your struggles and trials. But what if your struggles and trials are actually blessings?

My adult years have been filled with struggles. Despite the constant trials that surface in my life, my adult years have also been overflowing with blessings. As Christians, we are to be content in whatever our circumstances. My story is a story of discovering hope in the midst of trials.

It all began when I was pregnant with my first son. A new baby is a time of joy and rejoicing. It was also when I began to realize there was something very wrong with my body. It wasn’t immediate but it also wasn’t temporary. I pushed it aside until I was expecting my second child, and it became more evident and troublesome. After many trips to the doctor, I was given disappointing news. This was not going to go away – and this would eventually lead to my end.

It is difficult to understand why these things happen. Yet I pushed it aside, because it wasn’t immediate just yet.

A few years passed on, and those children started to grow up. My husband and I were hit with another bit of news which was both shocking and expected. Our oldest son was diagnosed with autism. Yet another struggle to face. There was a period of mourning the fact that he might never be able to have the life every Mom dreams for their child – with an honest hard earned career, marriage and a family. But Jesus replaces despair with hope when you call on Him, and soon I realized it doesn’t really matter what he is diagnosed with, he will always be the same amazing person that I know and love with all my heart. There are some hard days, and mornings are especially difficult. There are some days we count it fortunate we make it out the door with everyone wearing clothing and having had something to eat for breakfast, even if we are late or disruptive. But those who call on Him for help will receive it if they ask in faith.

I couldn’t accept that same truth for myself, though. As the years were progressing, my situation was becoming worse. I cried myself to sleep many nights. The appearance of the disease was worsening and the pain was now present. Living my life the way I was accustomed to was no longer an option. It became even more evident when I was informed I would likely need to use a cane to get around. That broke my heart into a million pieces, because I could no longer ignore that this was a struggle I would need to face.

My first reaction was anger. I was angry with God for allowing me to have to face this struggle. I was angry that it would make my life difficult. I was angry that it would interfere with my family life. With young children, I could no longer sit on the floor and play with them. I could no longer go for long walks in the summer, something that we all used to enjoy. I was angry that my appearance was repulsive.

When I was done being angry, I grew depressed. I didn’t want to leave my house. There was a summer where I didn’t go to church with my family. I overheard someone comment about my appearance in a hurtful way, and didn’t want to hear anything more. No one noticed my absence, or said anything to me. I was filled with bitterness and felt betrayed by fellow believers. That summer, God turned things around and taught me forgive others as He had forgiven me. When I did finally return in the fall, I felt restored and happy to be rejoined with my church family.

I still struggled with the question as to why God had allowed this to happen to me. It was certainly a major part of my life. Fear and worry gripped me constantly. I soon realized I hadn’t even turned to God for comfort. That should have been the first thing I did. When experiencing trials, I always turned to my husband and my parents – I felt I needed the physical presence of a person in front of me to hold me and comfort me. However, the only One who can really comfort us with a lasting comfort is our Father. Once I realized my mistake, I let go of everything and gave it all up to Him.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” This is my life verse. It has brought me to my knees again, and again and again. (Figuratively, of course! I can no longer get down on my knees.)

In order to have peace, we must have hope. What is hope? One definition is that hope is a feeling of trust. In order to have hope, we must put our trust in the One who knows our every need and can provide the peace we need.

I have known all my life that God promises peace. But in this situation, I was feeling broken. I didn’t see how He could work this together for Good. It took me awhile to realize that this verse outlines a process. You can’t just bring your requests to God. You need to be thankful. You need to be hopeful. You need to trust. Are all of those things easy? No. Are they all necessary? Yes.

Was I really thankful for this struggle? Is anyone thankful for a struggle? No, not immediately. It took me so many years to answer that question with a resounding yes. James 1:1-2 says this: “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” I could be thankful for this – it was just another way that God was shaping me who He designed me to be.

My heart changed from being ungrateful for this struggle, to being thankful for it. It then blossomed into being an opportunity. One of the most important parts of suffering is the comfort and hope that we can share with others when they are suffering. I have been able to share with others who experience health struggles, encouraging them and offering hope in times of trial.

Hope is a feeling of trust. I have to trust that He has a plan for me. No matter what my struggles, nothing can change the fact that God’s promises are forever true. Trusting is not easy, but hope is easier. This struggle will not end. The situation will become worse. I will need to use my cane every day, instead of just once in awhile. I might even need to be in a wheelchair. But with hope, I can praise God in this storm. With His peace, I can be thankful for days where the pain is not as great. I can be thankful that I am still able to use my legs to walk, swim, and dance until I can no longer do those things. And even then, I’ll find a way to praise Him. After all, He alone is my hope.

Autism · Family

Where It All Begins

August 18, 2012March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

When it was me, sitting in the home office of our wonderful psychologist, on his particularly comfortable couch on a rainy and cold fall afternoon, I experienced both those feelings. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind as I tried to focus on what he was saying. But I couldn’t really. All I could think about was how thankful I was that throwing chairs across the room, crying in the grocery store because they were out of his favourite cereal, and being afraid of loud noises like the vacuum cleaner were instantly explained. Then, seconds later, mourning the fact that he might never be able to have the life every Mom dreams for their child – with an honest hard earned career, marriage and a family. It was a lot to take in. Then, a few hours later, realizing as you walk thorough the door of your home and see his smiling face, that it doesn’t really matter what he is diagnosed with, he will always be the same amazing person that you know and love with all your heart.

Sometimes autistic disorders can steal your joy. You’re constantly faced with the day to day struggles, challenges and battles that come with the territory. So many special education meetings at school, behavioural support and social training, and just every day maintenance can be overbearing. Overwhelming. Exhausting. It’s hard to see beyond these things sometimes. But when you do, you see the wonderful gift you’ve been given. Because autistic disorders can bring such joy. That’s what this story is all about. Our experiences living with a really joyful, sweet and funny boy who just so happens to have Aspergers – beauty in the broken.