Autism

The One You Call

 

It’s been a week since the start of the school year. We made it through, relatively unscathed. It’s never easy sending these little ones back to school, is it? It’s always a hard thing to do…
I overheard mothers on the playground talk about their relief that school was starting again – they’d get a nice break during the day from their kids. Time to have showers in peace and meet friends for coffee dates. Time to shop at the mall. Long, luxurious mornings. I get that, moms. I do. But then again, I don’t get it at all.
Let’s face it, I still can’t shower in peace. Even if I am home alone and decide to shower – that peace could be shattered in a second when the phone rings and it’s the school. I still try to meet my friends for coffee dates, and I am so thankful for the understanding friends I have who get that sometimes we need to cut it short when the school calls. I’d love to shop at the mall and take time to look through the shops I never get to because I just can’t do it with my children. But, even then I am just a phone call away.
Even still – that’s what I am here for. Mom. The one you call. The one you call when you’re not feeling well. The one you call when you’ve soaked your clothes on the playground and need some clean, dry socks immediately. We Moms know the drill. But then, I am also the one you call when someone can’t calm down. I’m the one you call when they’re screaming. Throwing things. The one you call when they need to be sent home. When they need to cool down. I’m the one you call.
It breaks my heart when I am the one you call. I don’t mind retrieving extra clothes or bringing in something you’ve forgotten. I don’t even mind coming when you’re not feeling well – even though I don’t like seeing you sick. I just hate getting the other calls. The ones that make me want to hang my head in shame that I am that Mom whose kid has been kicked out of class and sent home for the day. It breaks my heart when they do things that get them in hot water.
I feel embarrassed sometimes. I’m the one you call when my kid ruins something in the class. I want to hang my head in shame that they’ve broken a pair of eye glasses. Knocked over a plant. Smashed another student’s lunch to smithereens. And I know. I know it’s not my fault. But I am still embarrassed. I still feel like I am not doing anything right.
I will get over it, though. Because I am the one you call. I’ll be there as soon as I can make it and I will hold my head up as you tell me all that my child has done. I will apologize. I will give them a disappointed look. They know the look.
But then, I will move on. Because I’m the one you call. And this won’t be the last time. So I am not the one that will rejoice when my children return to school because it’s not peaceful. It’s sometimes stressful. It’s always an adjustment. It’s always a trial period.
We’re always trying new things. We’re always trying to make the way for you easier. Better. I know some day, it will be. And finally, when things are working smoothly and you’re doing amazing the school year will end. And we will go through this all over again.
It’s not easy being the one you call. Every time you call, I cry a little bit inside. I don’t even know why, because I’m not sorry that I don’t have a child like all those other Moms who are enjoying their lattes and shopping and getting their nails done. Because those other Moms don’t have you. They don’t have your laughter. They don’t have your extraordinary take on the world. They don’t have your love. They just don’t have you.
So, call me. I will be there for you. Even when it’s heart breaking. Even when it’s happened for the second time this week. Even when I just want one of the latte sipping, manicure getting, shop til you drop kind of days. I’d rather drop everything for you. I will always be the one you call.

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