Taming the Tongue

August 22, 2015February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

One of my favourite songs is Ever Be by Bethel. The chorus boasts, “Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips.” I love the preceding line that says “faithful You have been and faithful You will be, you pledge yourself to me and it’s why I sing…”

I do sing. I sing all the time. In the shower. In the kitchen while making meals. Driving in the car. Always singing songs of praise to God. But then, in the next few minutes something happens that causes me to become frustrated, offended, or angry…and I change my tune. How can I praise God with my lips and then a few minutes layer spew angry words over something frustrating?

James 1:26 says, “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself and your religion is worthless.” Ouch. That stings a little bit.

Let’s look at this another way. If you are get a raise at work the very same day a new tax law comes into place – your new raise is cancelled out by the taxes you now will have to pay. In the same way, when you sing praises to God one moment and then in the next few moments can’t control your tongue – does not one action cancel out the other?

It is so hard to grasp how something so simple can have a magnitude of ramifications and consequences. James really lays it all out here in 3:5-10, “the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire,. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison, Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.”

These are convicting words. But there is hope. Even in the midst of this convicting statement, James says in verse 2, “indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” There is hope because in the midst of the brokenness, God looks to your heart and sees you trying. It is never easy. We always fail, in one way or another. But when we strive towards perfection, though we will never achieve it here on earth, it pleases Him.

While we are struggling, we can always reach out to Him to help us. How he loves for us to call on His name and gives generously to those who do so. In Psalm 141:3 the psalmist David prays, “take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips.” I have a friend who says she prays this prayer every day, because she struggles with saying things that may come across as offensive to some when she doesn’t intend to be hurtful or unkind.

Taming the tongue is a lifelong struggle for many people. Controlling the tongue might mean not lying. It might mean not swearing. It might mean not speaking out in anger. All of these things are challenging for us because we live in a world of broken people. But we do have hope, “for God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.”

That power? It’s not your typical super hero power that you might see in the movies. Can you grasp this power? Can you think about this power with me, for just a minute? Ephesians 1:19 says, “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe in Him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honour at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.” Oh, that power. YES, THAT POWER! That power, lives in YOU. When you receive the gift of salvation, you receive this inner strength through His spirit. That power is in you. So on days when you feel like a failure, think on this.

“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Phil. 3:20

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Mortgage Insurance – Are You Sure You’ll Get A Payout After You Die?

August 20, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

*I know this isn’t my typical posting material, but after doing some research on this topic, I felt compelled to share it with others as it seems very important.*

When we bought our house two years ago, it was a bit of a whirlwind. We decided to look around, and I contacted a real estate agent. In about twenty minutes, she was over at our house with spec sheets of different houses to look at – at 10:00 p.m. The whole buying process was too quick for my liking – but that’s another story for another day. Today, I want to talk about mortgage insurance.

First, although I work at a life insurance company, I am not a financial advisor or life insurance salesperson – therefore, I do not have a professional opinion on the matter. However, I do have a personal opinion, and like to think I have learned quite a bit about the topic of insurance while on the job. And what I have to share, I am pretty sure you are going to want to know.

In the midst of the quick house tours and the rapid purchase offers and then the piles of paperwork that comes with buying a house is a little thing called mortgage insurance. When we were purchasing our house, I specifically remember this moment – maybe because I work around others who work in the insurance business – but out of all those moments, I remember being asked about insurance. I do value life insurance, so I decided to sign up for mortgage insurance as well. Never again. Want to know why? I’ve learned a lot.

Here are some important things you need to know that they do not tell you…

Premiums will go up while the coverage will go down. When you apply for your mortgage insurance, you are applying to cover the cost of your existing loan. As you pay on your mortgage, the debt will decrease. However, every time you renew your mortgage, the cost of the premium (or monthly payment) will increase due to your increase in age and other factors. Why pay more for less?

Mortgage Insurance is rarely guaranteed. Let’s start out with the cold, hard truth for you. Even if you have a policy for mortgage insurance and you are covered under that plan, it doesn’t mean when you (or another person on your plan) passes away you will receive a claim. What?! I know! Right now, I hold a policy where the payments are approximately $30 a month. That doesn’t really seem like a lot of money, but in the two years of owning my home, I’ve spent about $720 on mortgage insurance. Put it in that perspective, and it seems like an awful lot of money to spend on something that is not guaranteed. When you apply, all the insurance company qualifies you to do is PAY YOUR PREMIUMS. The rest comes later…

It’s just one more form to sign and the application is too easy. This is they key! When we filled out our application for our mortgage insurance, we were sitting in the lawyers office and unfortunately, had our children underfoot. Not very ideal for such an important conversation. Our lawyer even mentioned that we would be “in and out” and that we only had to “sign a few things.” When you are a first time home owner, the process can be overwhelming. It is always best to be educated and prepared when making a major decision like the purchase of a home, but everything happens so quickly it is easy to get caught up. The form we were given had approximately three questions on it – very specific questions. They were easy to answer and we signed right along with the other forms for the sale of our house. That’s because the only thing that we were authorizing the insurance company to do was access our medical files – we weren’t actually answering anything specific to our health. There’s a reason why it is easy to apply for mortgage insurance (and why it is a bit more tricky to apply for life insurance). While life insurance companies do their underwriting process (medical examination and background history) at the time of application, many mortgage companies do their underwriting process posthumously. So, after you are gone and your loved ones are expecting to receive a claim that will pay off the mortgage, the insurance company is processing your medical files for reasons not to pay out. The reason why mortgage insurance companies (especially banks who offer mortgage insurance) do this, is because they are collecting your money and not having to pay out their own money for expensive medical examinations – they only have to pay out for medical exams on the few clients who die.

It is easy to be denied, after the fact. While you might think you are in perfect health, it can appear otherwise to an insurance company underwriter looking at your medical files. For example, if you have a routine doctor’s visit and have your blood pressure tested – that could count as treatment for high blood pressure and a strike against you and your insurance claim. If you have been to the doctor because you were on a tropical vacation and something didn’t agree with you – or have had a bad case of the flu – that counts as seeing a doctor because of gastric or intestinal issues. If you have a mammogram, a pap smear or a prostate exam – those count as being tested for cancer. It’s not having these tests that disqualify you from insurance – but you have to indicate that YOU HAVE BEEN TESTED. Most people wouldn’t even consider these as “treatments” because they are routine tests after you reach a certain age. If you fail to indicate this, the insurance companies will consider this fraud and you could be disqualified. When they are looking for something, they are looking to save money. They don’t want to have to pay out – and most banks and insurance companies will not even refund your paid premiums either.

Insurance brokers are a better way to go when looking at insurance for your life or your home. The main reason for this is because they are LICENCED to sell insurance. They’ve had to go through the lengthy process of studying the industry and earning their qualifications to sell the insurance to you. When you are thinking of purchasing insurance, they will actually sit down and talk with you. They will go through the underwriting process with you, explaining the questions as they go along and why they need to ask them. While this is helpful, it doesn’t necessarily mean you will be automatically approved on the spot. After applying for insurance with your broker, you will still need to have a blood test, vitals test, and a urinalysis before you are are approved. And sometimes, they’ll need a statement from your doctor. Even if you do have some medical issues, you can still qualify for insurance – you just might have to pay a bit more. But the real assurance is this – if you apply this way, and are approved, you are guaranteed your coverage. What you pay for is what you get, and after you die your loved ones will receive a claim.

I hold a journalism degree, and as such, always like to have more than one side of the story. I contacted the company that holds my life insurance and spoke to an “agent” on the phone. She was very polite, but was not qualified to answer my questions. I was directed to another individual who did not give me clear and concise answers, and who refused to answer whether a medical examination would be done before my claim was processed.

I decided to weigh in on what others were thinking and asked a few of my friends who had recently purchased a home, and those who have been home owners for quite some time. It seemed that any one who purchased a home in recent years signed a form quickly but felt uneasy about what they had signed, as they did not receive very much information on this so called “mortgage insurance”. There were others who were not given the option to decline the mortgage insurance when they purchased their home as they could not apply for a mortgage unless they applied for mortgage insurance as well. Many of the seasoned home owners did not have mortgage insurance – seems they learned some of the things I have along the way and decided it was overall a bad idea.

At this moment, I still have mortgage insurance. I am discouraged that I have spent so much on something that was such a waste. I am thankful my husband and I both hold personally owned life insurance plans, so we are prepared in some sense. After I’ve learned what I know now, I will be cancelling my mortgage insurance policy. Will you?

**Here is an informative video that shares the story of two different families who were denied an insurance claim after there was a death or illness, when they thought they were covered by their mortgage insurance.**

Autism

Knowing Time

August 8, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Today I was looking back on some photos from five years ago when we were at a wedding shower for my brother in law. I love wedding showers. I love baby showers too. It’s such a great way to celebrate the bigger moments in life.

I was excited to attend this wedding shower with my family. It was meant to be a low key family barbecue with a few friends thrown into the mix. We each brought a side dish and my inlaws had bought a cake. It was a beautiful, sunny August day with a breeze that made it bearable. It was the perfect day for this event. But, sadly, it was anything but prefect.

I wish I could have known what I know now back then. Sometimes time is a wonderful thing. These five years have brought us so much wisdom and understanding. It’s easier to do life now, knowing what we know. The boys would have been three and five at this event. They were so young. I’d like to believe that most children that age would have a hard time at an event like this, but I don’t know. Because now I know both my boys are autistic. On that day? We didn’t know.

Something else I didn’t know was time. This event was scheduled for six o’clock, which is a perfectly acceptable time for an evening barbecue. But I didn’t know then what I know now – any event on or after six o’clock should not be attended by my children. After holding themselves together all day, they just can’t handle it any more. Yesterday my Aiden asked if he could attend our church middle school youth group next year. I didn’t have the heart to say yes. Because I just don’t know from what I know about time.

At this barbecue, there was an incident. Time has allowed us to understand “incidents” a bit more. It has enabled us to be aware of what triggers them. Time has been kind, and we are almost always able to avoid public incidents (excluding the school related ones), because we can tell when they’re about to happen. If you’ve seen us out and about and we drop everything and run, that’s what avoiding an incident looks like. But on this day, we didn’t know. So when two adults started running towards the groom to throw cake in his face, and two little boys followed suit, it was the boys who were reprimanded. Knowing what I know, it was extremely inappropriate for these adults (my husband included) to exemplify behavior these children had no way to measure was not socially acceptable. Looking back, my husband wishes he had never had touched the cake. And that makes me sad, but it’s life. Something done in love and jest from one brother to another has to be carefully calculated because of the ramifications it could bring about.

Yes, time is kind. Time has allowed us to learn and grow in so many ways. We are more equipped to weather the storms we face. We’re able to avoid many situations that aren’t ideal for our family. Sometimes it’s sad to have to decline invitations. But time has made us realize it is necessary.

In a few short weeks, there will be another family barbecue. Time has allowed us all to understand the necessary steps to have a successful gathering. We will try again, and use time and experience as a guide. I pray we’re successful. If not, I know in time, we will be.

Marriage

It’s the Little Things

July 26, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

I want a good marriage. I want a relationship that is full of love, respect and intimacy. I don’t want to be sharing a house with a stranger. I don’t want to be living life with a glorified room mate. I don’t want to live with emptiness.

I know I’m blessed. I don’t have a loveless marriage. I don’t share a house with a stranger. I live life with a deeply intimate friend. Someone who knows my quirks, who understands my needs. Someone who listens to me. Someone who knows what I enjoy and what I really can’t stand.

Yesterday, he brought me a salad. A delicious looking Greek salad, with the special creamy feta dressing I just love. Leafy greens, black olives, cherry tomatoes. Things that no one else in my family enjoys – just me. He could have bought a salad everyone would like, and he did. But he knew I would love that Greek Salad more, so he bought both. It’s the little things like that, I think, that make a marriage strong.

When we first met and started dating, I was incredibly busy. It was my last year of university and the work was monumental. I had so much to do. I remember making lists of assignments and obligations that would consume my time. I remember looking at the lists and thinking, “this will never get done.” During that time, I squeezed in little dates with him. Breakfast in the morning when he was coming off his night shift and before I headed to a full day at school. A quick coffee date in the afternoon in between classes. Spending time with him is how he understood how much I cared about him. Do you know when I knew I was in love with him? It was because of the mail.

That might sound silly to you. But in all my busyness, I had a stack of mail – some important, some just letters (back in the day when people still hand wrote letters to each other) – and it was sitting on my desk. I had so much to do, I kept meaning to take it with me, but kept forgetting. For about a week, it sat on my desk and didn’t move. One afternoon, I came home and the mail was gone. I asked my room mate about it, but she didn’t know where it had gone to. I started to panic a little, there was an important document in one of that stack that really needed to be mailed. How could I have lost it? About that time, he knocked on the door to drop me off to a night class. I told him I would be ready in a minute, that I needed to find a missing letter. After a few minutes, he asked if it had been ready to be mailed. When I confirmed his suspicions, he casually mentioned he’d mailed my stack of mail that morning. Wait…what? He’d picked me up that morning to take me for coffee and had noticed my mail pile was still on my desk, and figured he’d just take that one thing off my growing to do list for me. It was a simple act on his part. He doesn’t even think about it to this day, really. But sometimes, when I look at him, I think of that mail. Such a simple thing to do, he’d said. But to me it was as monumental as the list of assignments and obligations I had mounting during that season.

We’ve been through a lot of seasons together, and we have weathered many storms. Some small storms. Some really, really big storms. Not all storms have to surface because of marital unrest – some storm come just because of life. In our seasons, we’ve become closer. We’ve become more aware of each other and what the other needs. We understand each other.

Once upon a time, I used to think it was offensive when people called a long lasting marriage like “a comfortable old shoe.” But now, I get it. Old shoes are favourite shoes. You can buy the prettiest, snazziest pair of shoes you’ve ever seen only to discover they make your feet hurt so much you only wear them once. But old, comfortable shoes you wear every time you need to go out. You slip your feet into something that hasn’t failed you. Something trustworthy and reliable. You wear those shoes until they die, and then afterwards, you mourn that loss when you need to buy a new pair that just isn’t the same.

Yes, I have a great husband. The best, in fact. Before we met, there was another man who was interested in me. In fact, he wanted to marry me. But something just didn’t seem right about. Looking back on life, and the different seasons and trials that have come since that day – I know why something didn’t seem right to me. Knowing what I know now, and all that has transpired, he wouldn’t have been able to handle all the hardship and trials that my husband and I have faced in our lives together. That man, while he had some great qualities, would not have been able to handle the seasons of hardship with such grace and love as my husband has. Just one of the reasons I love him. Just one of the reasons why I know that he was perfectly planned for me by my Saviour, who knows all.

But there is this thing about marriage that is just so heartbreaking. It’s that no one seems to want to weather the storms together any more. With our ever changing society, with all the acceptance and the shifting sands of time, marriage just isn’t important any more. I remember standing in the bridal shop looking at dresses with a friend of mine who was getting married and overhearing a bride to be talking about her soon to be husband. She turned to her friend and said if it didn’t work out, there was always divorce – and she had another guy lined up and waiting! Definitely not the way to start a marriage. So it’s not really surprising that people struggle so much.

Whenever I hear about a friend or even an acquaintance whose marriage has fallen apart, it leaves me shaken. It’s like something rocks my happy little bubble and I suddenly think, if it could happen to them then it can happen to me. Especially when I see fellow Christians have marriages that fall apart. It doesn’t really take much to let things slide.

People sometimes ask me why we’re still happy together, after a decade of married life. I am really not an expert on marriage, because I still don’t feel like I have been married for very long. But what I can say is that busyness is the worst enemy in a marriage. When you roll into bed at night and climb out of bed in the morning and realize you haven’t really seen them all day. Busyness is a marriage killer. It is so very important to set aside time to spend together. Even if you can’t leave the house because of small children, it is important to do things together. Connection and communication are the key.

A faithful, love filled marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes time and commitment. It takes constant interaction. Really, it’s just the little things. Husbands, listening to their wives talk about their day when they just want to come home and have some down time in front of the TV. Wives, understanding that their husband just needs a few minutes to transition between work and home. Husbands, appreciating the time and effort it takes their wives to keep a home running. Wives, understanding the fact that just because their husband doesn’t notice all the details doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

It’s the little things in a marriage that are most important. The little things that are the glue that hold it all together. Like mailing letters. Like buying flowers every once in awhile. Little smiles shared in a brief moment. It’s the little things that make a love strong. Little things that can make a marriage last in a world of ending marriages.

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When The Church Hurts Your Heart ~ A Reading Reflection

July 5, 2015February 18, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Brokenness. It’s everywhere. Not one of us has a perfect life. Several of us have been hurt to our very core. Several of us are hurting, right now. When hurt comes and settles somewhere deep, deep down into your spirit, it is so hard to heal. Spiritual brokenness can tamper with more than just your heart. Especially when you are hurting because of other believers.

Suzanne Eller has written a beautiful book entitled The Mended Heart. It is a book that deals with the broken places – even the places you have buried deep. Her chapter entitled, “When The Church Hurts Your Heart” gave me pause and stirred up something in my heart that was buried deep. Quite deep, in fact.

A long time ago, in a place not so far away, I attended a very small church. It was one of those cute, quaint country churches nestled at the top of a hill. The people who attended the church were lovely. I attended that church for a few years before I discovered that deep down, they were also very broken. It is important to mention that I attended this church as a youth, and not as an adult. There were goings on in this church that did not register with me because of that fact. It is also important to mention that of this particular church, my father was the pastor.

Being the daughter of a pastor is not an easy task. I have so much empathy for the children of pastors, because I have been in their shoes. Eyes watching their every move. Unrealistic expectations of how the pastors children should behave. But that is a story for another day.

This story is about brokenness. In her book, Suzanne Eller writes, Christ is the head of the church, and that is where we find our truth, but we also realize that pastoring is one of the hardest jobs there is, and many times a pastor or pastor’s family endures spiritual abuse at the hands of leaders in his church, or by members who are demanding or want to have influence in every detail of a church’s running. (p.70)

This struck a chord with me. Deep, deep, down. Something I had buried bubbled to the top. Several years ago, my heart was broken in a church. My heart was broken because of the way that I was treated, and the way that my family was treated. It hurt very much, and I never did deal with it properly. Likely because I was so young and immature at the time. Looking back as an adult, I can feel the brokenness that was there.

Why do churches hurt? Why do Christians hurt one another? It’s because of brokenness. No matter how much we love God, we are not perfect. We are broken, we are hurting. Sometimes this affects the way we deal with one another.

Recently, I watched another church go through a difficult situation together. I was never a member of this church, but had connections with several members of the congregation. And I also knew the pastor very well. He is such a wonderful man of God. Suzanne Eller defines the heart of true Christian leadership by writing, it’s the attitude of a servant who obeys the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit, even in the hardest of places, and who lives so that others might gain a glimpse of glory. (p.61) The pastor of that church? He fits that description so perfectly. When I learned of how he dealt with matters in this church, with things that made my blood want to boil, I could see someone in whom the light of Christ was shining. In fact, the light of Christ was shining through so strongly it could have lit up not only the entire church, but the entire street block and beyond. He was hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. He was perplexed, but not in despair. He was persecuted – oh, was he persecuted! But he was not abandoned by the Lord. He was struck down, again and again and again, but he was not destroyed.

Ten years ago, I would have described this church as filled with love and joy. Two years ago, I would have described this church as suffering under persecution due to a small number of people at the wheel. This church endured a great deal of pain. This church endured a great amount of sorrow. Sadly, the church split. A church split that came from deep brokenness.

When a church split occurs, it is usually from lack of unity and a lack of the Body of Christ coming together. The Body of Christ, when it works scripturally, is a powerful force for change and a light that beckons us to know God, but it will never be ideal. It wasn’t without fault in Scripture, and it is not without fault today. (p.67) We are not a perfect people. We are filled with sin, we are filled with imperfections. We are broken.

I had the terribly awkward experience of visiting this church when the split occurred. It was completely unplanned on my part, although not unexpected that it happened while I was there. While visiting with some members of this congregation, I expressed my frustration over the goings on in the church and in my frustration, spoke my mind to a very trusted few. They listened. They wept. One spoke up and said, “you have to remember, these aren’t just people to us. They are family.” A very powerful reminder. The church is a family. Every family I know, including my own, has to work through the good and the bad together if they want to create a thriving environment. (p. 72).

Sometimes, it is not easy to work together. Sometimes, it is impossible to work together, and a church split occurs. But the good news? Jesus can take the brokenness arising from a church split and make it whole. This particular church survived the split and is growing in love and grace. They have been blessed with new members to fill the empty seats. There is great love and joy where there was once sorrow. God is good.

God is good, even in the brokenness. I have had to learn this as it relates to the church over and over and over again in my short life. Let me just say, I love my current church. I consider the people in my church family. Our pastors are both amazing, godly men who serve their church, their community and their city with love and grace. Even so, I have considered leaving our church a time or two. Because no matter how amazing our church is, we are made up of a broken people. We are made up of people who can sometimes hurt each other. Even in this church that I love, I have been hurt deeply by people. People have said hurtful things about me and members of my family. But there is hope. In a church made up of messy people, there is hope as we serve and love one another with humility, standing upon a solid Rock that will never give way beneath our feet. (p. 74)

Yes, I have been hurt. Yes, Satan has a way of bringing past hurts to the surface, often when you least expect them. But Jesus will overcome. He has shown me the gift of grace and forgiveness. He has shown me that many of these hurts have arisen because of misunderstanding. He has shown me how to love through the tears.

A few years ago, one of our pastors gave me a wonderful gift. He asked me if I would consider writing a piece about hope for a publication he was going to make available for our church members to read during the Easter season. I immediately agreed to write something, but it was a few days before I knew what to write. Suddenly, the words flowed from me and it wasn’t long before I had submitted my story. Then the waiting began. I nervously waited weeks until that publication was sitting out in the foyer of our church for all to see. I listened as the pastor encourage everyone to take a copy home. I was fearful, knowing everyone there would have the opportunity to read something I had written that was incredibly transparent. I rushed home that day and didn’t answer the phone, read e-mails or check Facebook in case someone would try and contact me.

You can’t run away, though, can you? People found me one way or another. I was so afraid, but all I found was love. People e-mailed to ask questions. People called to pray for me. People stopped me in the grocery store for a hug. It was beautiful. Writing my story opened doors for me to overcome fears. I am able to sing on our worship team and actually lead worship because I had become transparent with my church family and had received love. I had witnessed the Body of Christ serving and loving one another with humility.

I have experienced that over and over and over again in my church. I feel incredibly blessed to be part of a church full of messy people who love each other. If you are hurting, and your church is not a welcome place for you, you are free to search out Scriptures and find a healthy body of believers with whom to worship and fellowship. (p.71)

The church is made up of people who belong to the Lord. In our brokenness, we make mistakes. In our brokenness, we hurt others. In our brokenness, we might not display Christ as we should. But we do love and we can forgive.

Devotional

It’s Time to Love

June 26, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

The internet blew up today. The U.S. Supreme Court voted in favour of nationwide gay marriages, and everyone had something to say. I am not much for politics. Sadly, I’m not even a real news follower. But this was so widely broadcast, you couldn’t miss.

First of all, it is important for me to say that I am not what you would call a homophobe. I am in fact, what you would call a Christian. I really love Jesus. I want to follow after Him. I want to read the Scriptures, and live as the Scriptures tell me to do. So what happens, when something that goes against what the Scriptures say come to pass?

Let’s just take a quick look at what God says about homosexuality. It’s only mentioned a few times. One is in Leviticus 18:22 where it says, “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.” Okay, so there it is. But wait…just wait. Another passage in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says, “Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people – none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” Do you see that? It is in there. But wait…just wait. Look what else is in there – so much more. That kind of looks like a big list of different sins, doesn’t it?

I have always been taught that sin is sin. While committing murder seems to be a pretty huge sin, lying or cheating is a pretty big deal as well. Let’s just take this up a notch. While the Bible says homosexuality is a huge sin (and people are making a big deal about gay marriages and all of these “sinners”), it also says theives and greedy people and cheaters are sinners. And didn’t Jesus come to save sinners? Luke 19:10 says, “For the son of Man came to save those who are lost.” There it is. That’s what I was looking for.

Jesus came to save the lost. Those who are lost are those who sin. 1 Timothy 1:15 says, “this is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – and I am the worst of them all.” Yes, I do believe that. I do believe that I am the worst. You only see a small part of me, but you don’t know my deep dark secrets. You don’t know the worst thing I have ever done. And let me just say, I hope you never find out. That’s between me and my God. But you know what? My being a Christian does not make me any less of a sinner. Sadly, I am still right there. The only difference is that I seek out Christ’s forgiveness and try to live like Him. Even though I fail.

Jesus not only came to save the lost, He came to love. Romans 5:8 states, “but God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” Did you see that? He came to love. As Christians, our only salvation, our only hope is that we can overcome the worst things we have ever done because He died on the cross for us. But it wasn’t just for us. It was for all of the homosexuals as well. And here’s the kicker – He calls us to do the same.

That might not look like dying a horrible death. But it does look like a sacrifice. In 1 John 2:6 it says, “those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”That is such a simple instruction, is it not? In all areas of our lives, but especially in this particular issue. We just need to love. It’s a bit of a hard topic for Christians, and I get that. It will be difficult, at first. But I guarantee you that it will pay off.

So, Christians, I am talking to you. Today, when I heard the news, I was a bit shaken. Not because of the Supreme Court’s decision – let’s face it, we knew that was coming. We know the world we are living in. I was more shaken by the hateful comments that Christians were leaving all across social media. Christians. Yikes.

Philippians 2: 5-11. Your attitude should be the same as Christ. He loved. He died. What will you do? I implore you to love. To show kindness. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with the lifestyle. This doesn’t mean you have to be huge supporters. It just means you have to love. It means you need to stop with the hateful comments. It means you need to reach out, as Christ did. Even in the smallest ways.

It’s time to love.

Autism

The Blessing of This Year

June 19, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Last year at this time, I could not wait for school to end. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year (with a few good days and a few really good staff thrown in the mix). But mostly, one of those years you just can’t wait to be done with. When the school year ended, we had a pizza party and celebrated – even though it wasn’t the best experience. We weren’t celebrating success so much as we were celebrating survival. Even though it sucked, it was finally over and we couldn’t have been happier. We welcomed the summer months with open arms.

This year is a different. It’s like we went from one extreme to the other. Last year, we couldn’t wait for it to be done and we were counting down the days and hours when we could walk out the school doors and not be back until the fall. But this year, with only about an hour left to pick up my boys for the last time, I have the opposite feeling. I’m sad.

Sad because it’s been awesome. Sad because the entire year has gone off without a hitch. Sure, we had a few bumps along the way. But overall, oh, heaven. I have never had a school year end on such a good note. That ridiculous song from The Lego Movie is running through my head right now. “Everything is Awesome! Everything is awesome when you’re part of a team!” I really do feel like we have been part of the team. And really, that is how it should be.

Don’t get me wrong – we have had some amazing teachers and resource involved in the past. I have been so blessed by them and so glad we have had those experiences. But this year, oh this year just raised the bar to a whole new level.

Autism parents, can you imagine a team meeting with no stress? With laughter, even? Before this year, I couldn’t. But this year…oh, this year! Every single meeting was easy. I put out my ideas and opinions and they rolled with them. They treated me like a colleague and not just the student’s parent. That’s how it should be, right? After all, they’re my babies we are talking about.

The teacher lottery – we totally won on so many levels. You never know what you will be facing when you start off in September. I mean, all teachers are awesome because their job can not be easy. The idea of facing a classroom full of children every morning terrifies me. I couldn’t do it! I don’t think I have the patience at all. They’re amazing, they’re superheroes! But this year, oh this year….the teachers loved my children and connected with them. They cared. I know all teachers care, but these ones put aside the papers that listed all the things that are “wrong” with them and loved them for who they are and what they have to offer.

I know my children are ready for the break – they’ve worked very hard this year and have had so many successes and gains it’s mind blowing. To see someone struggle so much with every subject rise up and actually learn on the level he is supposed to be learning is such a gift. To see someone who has particular interests that might not fit the norm applauded and encouraged is such a gift.

So we will enjoy this summer like a gift that is received because of a huge accomplishment. Like a graduation. Or a promotion. We’ll do our summer bucket list from top to bottom and we’ll enjoy every second of it – so that when the cooler weather starts to set in, and September comes we will be ready.

Ready for a new year, with new teachers and new experiences. I will try not to stress about the mandatory intensive french that Aiden is facing, even though it’s intimidating to me. I don’t even need to stress, because his french teacher this year helped him go from saying, “I hate french! I am not going to french class!” to “My french teacher is awesome and french is my favourite. Bonjour! Au revoir!” And his french grades are awesome! I will try not to stress about my Micah leaving the K-2 group and joining the 3-5 group on the big side of the playground. He’s ready. He’s excited.

I can’t be happier than I am right now with how this year has been. I can’t thank the teachers enough. We’ve had nine amazing teachers and support staff working with our children this year and every single one had something awesome to bring to the table. Some of them will be part of our team next year, and some of them won’t. It’s going to be bittersweet walking into that school for the last time until September. It’s going to be bittersweet saying goodbye to the teachers who have enriched my chidren’s lives and helped them grow a little more into the men they will become.

Thank you teachers. You deserve the break this summer will bring. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this year, oh this year!

Autism · Family

Non Verbal Learning Disorder

May 20, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha BordenLeave a comment

Along with Micah’s autism spectrum disorder diagnosis, he was also diagnosed with a few learning disabilities. At the time of his diagnosis, I was a bit overwhelmed with the laundry list of things that was “wrong” with my child – so it has taken awhile to really dig deep into what all of that means. I really just needed time to breathe. And love my Micah for the little guy that he is.

Goofiest.Kid.Ever!

One of the learning disabilities he was diagnosed with is called Non Verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). Now that we’re a bit more settled with life and loving two ASD kids, I decided to look into it a bit more. Part of me is glad I did, and part of me wishes I didn’t. It really is a lot worse than I thought, and covers more than just what he might deal with in a school setting.

First, the name is a tad misleading. Non verbal doesn’t mean not verbal – in fact, people with this talk ALL of the time, to anyone who will listen. Anyone who has ever met Micah will know that is true. I can’t take the kid anywhere without him grabbing hold of a random stranger and spilling his life story or something exciting that has happened to him that day. It is just what he does.

Secondly, children with NVLD sound quite intelligent because their vocabulary is top notch. Many people have told me they are surprised and delighted at the words Micah uses – they’re not the average second grader words. He uses words such as ascertain, simultaneously, and congregate properly and in the correct context. He understands what they mean. It is not uncommon for him to slip words such as these in a sentence. I always thought it was because I love words, and have always spoken to the boys as if they’d understand – knowing if they didn’t, they’d ask, Just last week we were discussing Aiden’s first research project and I was so delighted with the fact my son was doing something I loved so much, I said it was “monumental.” Micah piped up, “what does that mean?” So I explained it was a word to describe something important in one’s life. The very next day he went to school and told his teacher, “I have learned how to properly zip my coat. This is monumental!” We laughed, because it is always cute to hear small children use big words.

Speaking of zipping up coats, by the time most children reach the end of grade two, they should be able to completely dress themselves. Many days I need to assist Micah with dressing because he lacks the proper motor skills to do these things himself. Fortunately, we have had a wonderful occupational therapist working with him this year and he has had monumental successes. (See what I did there?) At the beginning of the school year, he could not zip up his coat, he couldn’t button his pants or a button up dress shirt. With lots of practice and different skills he has learned with the occupational therapist, he is now able to do all of that by himself. Next, we need to work on putting shoes on the right feet and then possibly learning how to tie shoelaces. Lack of motor skills also translates to a child who will often fall because of improper balance, as well as lack of coordination. So, even though he knows how to properly dress himself, he still struggles every day.

One of the major disconnects for children with NVLD is they learn by hearing and not by seeing. For example, a typical child might learn about worms by digging into the dirt and finding them, squeezing them, playing with them, etc. Most preschool children are very hands on. While a child with NVLD might enjoy a similar experience, they don’t retain information unless they hear it. They might learn more if someone explained the entire process for them, instead of actually digging through the dirt to find the creepy crawlers.

In the same respect, NVLD can mirror ASD in the way it has an effect on social behaviours. Most people learn how to socialize by doing (with trial and error). These children with NVLD would learn better by hearing about how to properly behave rather than doing. For example, if they were playing side by side on a playground with another child, and the child starts taps them in a game of tag – the NVLD child would struggle to understand what was happening. There are many typical playground games and behaviours a NVLD child might never understand, so they prefer to play alone. Other children think of them as odd, because they fail to respond to play in a typical manner.

Academically, children with NVLD have a much harder time with written work, especially experiencing difficulty with handwriting and printing. My sweet Micah loves to tell stories. He is a fantastic story teller, and has grasped onto the writing structures. He often says when telling a story he needs to have “a strong beginning, a mighty middle, and an excellent ending!” These are strategies he has learned in school this year. However, when it comes to physically writing out a story, so much gets lost in translation. What was once a wonderful story about a magical penguin turns into a page with incomprehensible scribbles.

Similarly, children with NVLD can generally learn to read, but will sometimes have difficulty understanding what they are reading about. Recently, we were reading a book about sharks. The front page had the title and a photo of a few sharks on it. Micah said, “today we will be reading about fish called Sharks.” Now, I know my son knows what sharks are because he has seen Finding Nemo, and many other television shows with sharks. We have had conversations about sharks, and what they do. But it did not register with him at all.

He went on to read his book about the different kinds of sharks and what they do. At one point, he asked me about a picture that captured his attention.

When he was finished his book, I asked him what was his favourite type of shark. He couldn’t answer the question, even though he had just read the book. I couldn’t believe it, so I took the book and read it to him. When I asked him the same question, he immediately answered, “a hammerhead shark!” It made me realize then and there, for every homework assignment he ever had, I would have to read aloud to him so he would understand what he was expected to do.

Children with NVLD will also have difficulty in mathematics because they struggle with problem solving. It is difficult for them to grasp the concepts and come up with mathematical reasoning. This is possibly the most stressful and worrisome part for me – there is a reason I write. I am not very good at mathematical problem solving myself. Right now, I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a mathematical whiz named Aiden who will always be available to help his brother with math homework. Praise Jesus!

Emotionally, the child with NVLD can easily be overwhelmed and prone to tantrums or meltdowns because they are so frustrated with themselves. I know this is true for Micah. Frankly, I feel like having a meltdown myself after learning about all of this…

We try to raise our children the best way we can, despite the challenges they face. They both face so many challenges every single day. Especially Micah. In fact, now that I know what I know I am patting myself on the back that I toilet trained this boy, even though he was almost four years old by the time he got the concept. I have had doctors tell me they are astonished he was that young. I thought I was losing my mind at the time…

What can we do as parents to help? Celebrate every accomplishment. It is so much harder for Micah to have successes other children easily obtain. One way we have celebrated in the past and continue to do so is to throw a reading party every time he reaches a new reading level. We always have a supper of his choice and also a cake. It really has to be a huge deal in our house, because it takes so long to get there. We want to encourage diligence and praise hard work.

There is a lot more to say about NVLD, and some things which scare me very much as I think about his future. Typically, NVLD children struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts as adolescents and teenagers. I pray that is not the case for Micah. There is so much unknown about the future for him, I just can’t allow myself to worry. Instead, I am claiming this promise for my child…

“For I know the plans I have for you, Micah,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

That is all I really need to know. God has a plan for him, and He holds his future. It’s going to be okay.

Uncategorized

After His Heart

May 19, 2015February 18, 2017 Jerusha Borden2 Comments

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.” Psalm 51:10-13

Have you ever wondered why David is referred to as a man after God’s own heart? I have, too. When I think of God, I think of an all knowing Saviour who does not sin, and can do no wrong. But, David. Oh, David. Look at all the ways he failed.

We know him as a King, and we also know him for his two major sins, murder and adultery. In 2 Samuel 11:1-5, David sees a beautiful woman bathing, and instead of looking away he asks about her. He’s told that she is married, but instead leaving it at that, he orders her to come to him and takes her into his bed. She becomes pregnant, and David tries to cover it up. In verses 6-13, we see that he attempts numerous times to have Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, go home and be with his wife to cover the true identity of this baby’s father. But Uriah refuses to go home, despite King David’s attempts. David became frustrated and desperate. In verses 14-27, we read a detailed account of how King David orders Uriah back to the battle lines, right into the line of fire, so that he will die. Upon his death, King David takes Bathsheba into his home to be his wife.

It seems that David understood his sins, and tried to cover them up as best he could. But verse 27 says that the Lord was greatly displeased. And yet, David is a man after His own heart. How can this be?

We also know King David to be a writer of many of the Psalms. Psalm 51:10-13 shows one of the examples of why David fit this description. He had a repentant heart. In these verses, we can see he recognizes how he has sinned. Sin separated him from God. We see he understands he has fallen out of God’s presence, and he calls out to God to restore him.

David does this over and over and over again. Throughout the psalms, he is continually seeking God. I may not fully understand all of the reasons why David is called a man after God’s own heart, but I do understand this: “I said to the Lord, You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.” David was wise enough to understand that everything he had, anything good in his life, was a blessing and a gift from God.

Not only that, David desired to have an intimate relationship with God. He craved God. He made God a priority in his life. Psalm 84:2 says, “I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.”

A repentant heart. A desire for God. These are some of the ways David measured up to the title a man after God’s own heart. How many of us fall short from this time and time again? How many of us are actively repenting and desiring? Let’s look at these two things a little more closely.

Repentance

Let’s face it, this is a hard word. Before we can get to this place, we need to acknowledge what we are doing is wrong. And that’s a hard thing to do. How many of us want to admit we’re no good? How many of us have failed to repent?

Repentance is defined as the activity of reviewing one’s actions and feeling contrition for regret or past wrongs. It generally involves a commitment to personal change and resolving to live a more responsible and humane life. This is a great description, but the best description I have ever heard was actually an object lesson.

My son is preparing to be baptized later this summer, and our pastor is meeting with him regularly to talk about baptism and what it means to be a Christian. During one of their lessons, they were talking about repentance. He described it as turning away from sin. He had my son walk towards as wall, and when he called “repent!” my son would turn around and walk the other way. It was a physical reminder of what repentance really means.

At first, we won’t be successful in turning away from sin. But bit by bit, we will be. Repenting is honouring God. It pleases Him. And shouldn’t we be wanting to make God happy with our choices and our decisions? We should be living for Him. Repentance is the beginning.

Desiring God

The definition of desire is something that one wishes for, craves or wants. It can also be described as a longing for something that can bring enjoyment and satisfaction. What are the things that you crave? What are the things that you most want? Desiring God needs to be the first among any other thing that might make that list.

I have had a lot to learn in this area, and I am far from perfect in my walk with God. In fact, let me tell you there is no such thing as a perfect Christian. We are absolutely an imperfect people. But I do long to be a person who desires God above all else. So where does one start?

I believe the best way to start is by prayer, praise, and thanksgiving. David actively did all three of these things. David actually lays out a wonderful example of how prayer, praise and thanksgiving can unite to become one thing. Most of his psalms have him crying out to God in prayer, praising God for who He is, and thanking God for all He has done. Psalm 86 is a great example of this.

But prayer, praise and thanksgiving aren’t enough. We need to be actively reading His word as well. I remember sitting in a church service a few months ago, where the pastor stated a startling statistic that struck me in the heart. According to a LifeWay survey, 80% of church goers do not read their Bible. I sat there shocked until it dawned on me. I didn’t. I hadn’t been. Here I had this wonderful, life altering book in my hands. How many times had I opened it the previous week? I am ashamed to admit, I hadn’t once. And why hadn’t I been? Because, to be honest, it felt like a chore.

How did I get to that place? From the moments God breathed His truths into my heart to the moment I realized I hadn’t opened my Bible all week? If we’re going to be completely honest, it was longer than a week. It was my own fault, and I felt betrayed.

The best way to get back into reading the Bible is to just pick it up, open it and read. I found passages of scripture I had previously underlined breathed truths right back into my heart and I went from there. There are many daily Bible reading plans available, you just have to choose one that interests you. Start there and watch how your life changes.

David was a man after God’s own heart. It should be our desire to be people after His own heart, too. What can you do today to start strengthening your relationship with Him?

Autism · Family

Who vs. What

May 2, 2015March 6, 2017 Jerusha Borden1 Comment

When my children were very little, I used to wonder what they would become when they grew up. Whey they were still in diapers, and they could just barely sit up I wondered what their interests would be and where life would take them. Would they become a doctor or a ditch digger? It was always fun to guess.

Today, my nine year old wants to become a veterinarian. He just loves animals and science so much, so he’s planning on not missing a day of school for the rest of his life so he can achieve this goal. My seven year old wants to be a teacher – mostly because he adores his teachers and has his very own stuffed animal school.

It is difficult to tell if they will be able to achieve their dreams. I know all children dream of holding down certain jobs when they become an adult – I wanted to be an author, my sister wanted to be a pioneer! As you grow your preferences change and your dreams and goals change as well. Who knows what the future will hold?

Recently, I had a realization. God’s plan for my children is the most important thing. He has already made a way for them. He has already given them a heart for serving Him. Even in the simplest ways like clearing the tables after a church breakfast, or helping a neighbour with their yard work. It is so exciting to see God work in their lives. I can’t wait to see that develop into more as they grow.

The heart of the matter is this. What they do in life is not as important as who they become. Sure, I want to help my kids succeed in school so they can hold down a career. But the most important thing I can do as a parent is help mould their character to become godly men. Kind, caring men like their Dad.

Just this past week, we were working on a school project with Micah. Any sort of writing project is difficult because he has significant issues with both fine and gross motor skills. It was gruelling to get him to sit still and print as neatly as possible. After homework time each afternoon, I wanted to smack my head against the wall repeatedly. But you know what? It poured that week. Rained every single day. A little boy who was walking home beside us on a rainy afternoon was getting particularly soaked, so Micah shared his umbrella. They walked and chatted and finally, the little boy turned to me and said, “you know what? Your son is really nice!” It made my Mama’s heart soar.

In this life, they will face struggles. Every single day. Just sitting in a classroom full of people and desperately wanting to make friends but not knowing how to communicate well builds up barriers. Neither one of them have friends they see outside of the classroom. I am sure as they get older and they learn more, these things will change. Because friendships are important. How we treat other people is important. How we love other people. We can do these things well when we love and have a relationship with Christ. And that’s the most important thing of all.